Act I – Scene I

Enter Jack’s office. I’m on my knees crouched on the floor behind his desk. My right arm is moving back and forth quickly and repeatedly. He is sitting in his leather chair moaning under his breath while fiddling with his mouse. Camera scans behind the desk to reveal that I am alternating between scraping and rubbing ice on flourescent blue peppermint gum which is embedded in the carpet that was put there by the sole of his shoe. He is grunting out of frustration because his computer is on the fritz since he knocked it over with his head when he bent down to remove his gum-ridden shoe.

What did you think I was doing at work all day?

Here’s the telephone conversation that took place regarding how things were falling apart for him:

Jack: …And there’s gum on my shoe and on the carpet, I hit my head on my computer, spilled an entire cup of coffee on my desk and now “Michael” is laughing at me.
Me: Why? Are your pants unzipped?

Slam! Dial tone.

Conversation of the Day (Already at this hour?):
Me: Mr. SoAndSo is on my line and wants to speak with you.
Jack: Do you mind listening to me be brilliant?