Y’all. Apparently Van Halen is playing Cafe Wha? in Greenwich Village right now and not a single one of you told me. Now how am I supposed to meet Diamond Dave if y’all keep failing me like this? I’ve got his bim bam banana pops right here!
I’m not there but some of my “friends” are. I say “friends” in quotes because they are dead to me now.*
To add insult to injury, Van Halen announced their tour dates and are playing the Garden on guess which night? MY FLIPPING BOOK RELEASE / PARTY NIGHT!
Oh Heavens, I curse thee for your cruel Gift of the Magi crap you’re pulling.
Looks like fans will be disappointed to see Sammy Hagar on stage because I am totally going to pull a Casey Anthony and chloroform Diamond Dave, stuff him in my trunk and bring him to my party. He might be dead but HE WILL BE THERE!