More on Belle and a Man of Steel

While playing Belle, I felt much like Princess Di on her wedding day. There I stood on a balcony edge, waving, waving, waving, smiling, smiling, smiling, eyes bright, not blinking, just posing. At one point, I spontaneously picked up a young child named Annie with no intention of hurling her off the balcony. Yes, it was quite touching. She was cute and very enamored by me. What can I say, I was stunning.

There was only one kid, a girl not Annie sweet but instead jaded and pissy, who really ticked me off with her claims of my being a fraud and insisting to all that I was, in fact, wearing a wig. She suffered death by an accidental fall off the giant Toys R’ Us ferris wheel, but only in my mind. “Listen, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Mrs. Potts did my hair and I think it’s quite lovely. If you have a problem with it, go see her.” With that, little jerkface pissypants went off in search of the conveniently absent Mrs. Potts. Ha ha, I win!

In addition to me and my Beast, there was a young thin man posing as Superman. His thin one-piece outfit was too short and therefore exposed much too much of what Superman doesn’t wear under his briefs. Quite pornographic for a children’s party, I should say, so I reveled in the awkward wrongness of the whole situation as he crouched down beside youngsters getting his photo snapped. Beast and I had a good hearty laugh in the Green Room wondering how great it would be if Superman popped a woody. Whatever they paid him for his night, it wasn’t enough.

—Kambri
Male toe is just plain wrong.