>Red Shoe Diaries

>Do you ever see one lone shoe and wonder, “How the fu*k does someone lose a shoe?” Well, I’ll tell you.

I bought my hot red patent leather shoes YEARS ago before they were on everyone’s feet. They were so spectacular that they would garner glares and lip curls by the UES ladies and hoots and hollers and drooling over near Madison Square Garden. They are the shoes that inspired one man to say, “Mmmm, mmm! Those shoes are bad company!” Whatever the hell that means. So after the millionth compliment of these damn fine shoes, I told the story of that comment, went to the bathroom and slipped on some tennis shoes. (Hey, it was my 8th fifteen hour day in a row, it was raining and I was just going home.)

When I got home, I emptied the plastic bag that carried my umbrella and shoes and was shocked to discover only ONE red shoe in the bag. I cursed — and, boy, I can curse — and screamed and wondered where the hell could it be. And that, my friends, is why you shouldn’t have your iPod on too loud because I’m certain I either would have heard it drop out or heard someone tell me I had dropped it. So now I have to replace the irreplaceable. Seriously all the red shoes are very lovely but kind of plain. I will take a picture some day of my lonely remaining shoe (yes, I’m keeping it) and you will see and behold the glory of the really hot shoe that has no mate.

—Kambri
Browsing Craig’s List hoping for a Cinderella, only in NY kind of miracle.