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Porn Names

A coworker ordered wild boar stew at lunch which I thought strange since I had just sent a fax to a client staying at the Boars Head Inn. Boars Head was the name of my childhood road. Deep, deep in the woods of Texas, it was paved for the first time only a couple of years ago. Someone then asked what my first pet’s name was. Answer: Panther. So, according to the formula*, my porn name** is Panther Boars Head. Jack was nearly in tears. He had never heard of this formula before and was so excited to find out everyone’s “name” at the firm so he could talk about people in code. Rob said his name is Kip Berkley. Hmm…I think I’ve seen his work. That name is too perfect.

Oh, and Jack’s name? Rowdy East 14th Street. Guess it doesn’t work in New York so well.

**Formulas schmormulas. My REAL porn name is actually a variation of my given name. When referencing me in terms of my work as a XXX-Rated Superstar ^^^, please refer to me as Kumbri Screws. Thanks.

^^^For my mother and those like her that take everything literally, I am joking. I am not a porn star and have never been paid to perform any sex act on video.****

****Unless you count dinner and a show as payment, then technically, yes, I have been paid.^^^^^

^^^^^Okay, Mom, I’m still joking.