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Meet the Parents

This weekend I will board a train en route to a wedding where I will meet practically every member of Christian’s family for the first time. Normally I am an ace when it comes to big parties, working crowds and meeting people. (Hey, I don’t do party promotions for nothing, honey.) This time, however, I think I would like to be very awkward and embarrassing. You know, spice things up a bit. Christian hasn’t introduced a girl to his family in awhile, so I’d like to be memorable. . . go down in history, as it were. I’ve come up with some ideas:

(A) When the priest asks if anyone is present who objects to the couple joining as one, I’ll make my grand entrance wearing an empathy belly and demand that the groom come home because his “children need their daddy!”
(B) Wear a dress that blows up when I twirl around on the dance floor revealing that I have “gone cowboy”.
(C) Dry hump the bride.
(D) Dry hump the groom.
(E) Dry hump the bride and groom during their first dance as Mr. & Mrs.
(F) Kiss everyone on the lips and try to slip ’em some tongue.
(G) Start a mosh pit and relive my days as a headbanger.
(H) Body slam the bitch that catches the bride’s bouquet and take what’s rightfully mine.