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Jack in China

Jack’s China trip is proving exciting and worthwile for him. He called me twice over the weekend to let me know he lost his insulin pen and needed backup fast among other demands. Why he was calling me at 3:00 in the morning is beyond me. He’s at a five star hotel, the concierge gets paid to cater to high maintenance blustery guys like Jack. It was all in control by this morning, he was given needles and drugs galore with no prescription necessary. These Commies sure know how to operate.

It was good to hear his voice though and not from the confines of a dank prison cell. We must have chatted for twenty minutes about the food alone. He made me laugh with tales of his refusal to eat fish lips and the like. In fact, he was calling me from a Mongolian restaurant where they have baby lambs wandering through restaurants. “You pick the one you want, just like lobster! Then they take it in the back and prepare it for you. So fresh!” Followed by, “Baaah Baaah” in the background. Later when giving him a phone number he said, “Give me another pen, this one’s got blood all over it.” I was mortified.

Thankfully it was all a ruse. All those “Baaahs” were courtesy of his new Chinese friends following along in his joke. Say all you want about Jack — how he’s rude, crude, bossy, mean, high maintenance, demanding — but people love him and no one ever forgets him. These new Chinese friends of his have already started inundating his inbox with emails. They will miss him, but not as much as I do. I need a free lunch!