Before the start of last night’s movie, they played a commercial for Cover Girl’s Outlast All-Day Lipcolor. The ad’s storyline followed that of “Cinderella”. Dressed in pink and wearing matching Pearl Shade lipcolor, Cinderella was envied by the other ball attendees, because even after ten hours and despite having kissed the bachelor of every girl’s … More Truth in Advertising
Tonight’s free movie (Thanks, Christian’s one year pass to any Loew’s Theater!) was Identity, an enjoyable, well cast thriller with a moderately clever ending and a few genuine gasp inducing moments. Yep, that’s my kind of movie: free and fun. We are the ultimately cheap couple, let me tell you. We sneak in candy and drinks … More Dating on the Cheap
When a woman gets breast implants, her tits become novelty items. She takes them to parties and whips them out like they’re the Deluxe Edition of Yahtzee. As a partygoer you want to partake in the game playing by poking them and squeezing them and thumping them like melons at a fruit stand because they’re … More Silly Putty Tits
Ten things you didn’t know about me: 1. I read magazines back to front. 2. Most of my immediate family are deaf. 3. I got whipped with a leather belt for (a) saying I hated someone; (b) pouting at losing Wahoo; and (c) laughing at my brother for getting whipped with a leather belt. 4. … More Just because
What is it with old flames or crushes who sporadically float in and out of your life or hover about merely to interject overt sexual flirtation and innuendo? Why do they do this? Is it to assure themselves that, yes, someone at some point found them sexually attractive without the lingering threat of developing a … More May 28, 2003
This morning I woke up because it was quiet. I’m talking the morning after the Night of the Comet quiet. No rain, no wind, no babies crying or dog barking in the distance, no cars whizzing past, no cabbies honking and no gang of teenagers speaking Spanish outside my bedroom window. Nothing. The countryside isn’t … More May 26, 2003
My tub is miserably clogged and Liquid Plumber doesn’t do what it professes. I need to call my Super, but I’d rather shower in ankle deep stagnant water than come face to face with him. Why, oh why, dear God, did Stevie Wonder’s I Wish have to be so fun and funky? So after last … More May 26, 2003
My boss left for his home in the Hamptons for the holiday weekend, so I went to work early and perched my patootie on his window ledge and heard Matchbox 20 rock it. They sounded fantastic. (It’s hard for any performer to sound good out there in the plaza because of the poor acoustics. Just … More May 23, 2003
One lunchtime trek garnered me these little tidbits: * I do not like carnations. At all. Au natural and especially dyed. * I like Gerber daisies and peonies and irises and lilies and most other flowers. * I do not like it when my change is given to me with the bills on bottom and … More May 22, 2003
That’s me. I have no idea why. I started out the day just fine and then, I don’t know, maybe it was the chilly temperature in mid-May, or perhaps the constant drizzle that is not thwarted by an umbrella because it is everywhere the wind takes it. Or, it could have been the throngs of … More Cuh-ranky
Kambri Crews 