What is it with old flames or crushes who sporadically float in and out of your life or hover about merely to interject overt sexual flirtation and innuendo? Why do they do this? Is it to assure themselves that, yes, someone at some point found them sexually attractive without the lingering threat of developing a … More May 28, 2003
This morning I woke up because it was quiet. I’m talking the morning after the Night of the Comet quiet. No rain, no wind, no babies crying or dog barking in the distance, no cars whizzing past, no cabbies honking and no gang of teenagers speaking Spanish outside my bedroom window. Nothing. The countryside isn’t … More May 26, 2003
My tub is miserably clogged and Liquid Plumber doesn’t do what it professes. I need to call my Super, but I’d rather shower in ankle deep stagnant water than come face to face with him. Why, oh why, dear God, did Stevie Wonder’s I Wish have to be so fun and funky? So after last … More May 26, 2003
One lunchtime trek garnered me these little tidbits: * I do not like carnations. At all. Au natural and especially dyed. * I like Gerber daisies and peonies and irises and lilies and most other flowers. * I do not like it when my change is given to me with the bills on bottom and … More May 22, 2003
That’s me. I have no idea why. I started out the day just fine and then, I don’t know, maybe it was the chilly temperature in mid-May, or perhaps the constant drizzle that is not thwarted by an umbrella because it is everywhere the wind takes it. Or, it could have been the throngs of … More Cuh-ranky
Paquita and I joined Tex in the City, 40-some-odd-thousand volunteers and John Spencer for the AIDS Walk. (Don’t we make a cute little family?) Out of all those people walking for the cure, I ran into my neighbor Steve; his large, horny-for-Paquita German Shepherd named Turbo; and a coworker who wasn’t walking, but saw our … More AIDS Walk
Mom to toddler walking in the rain: “When we get home I’m gonna beat your ass so you better start walking right.” Aww, so sweet, it makes my mammary glands hurt. Look what my friend, Mr. Bob Barker, did as a favor to me so I’d have a gift for my mom on Mother’s Day. … More Mother’s Day Quote of the Day
I do not exaggerate when I say it is horrifying to learn that you have been caught dancing — and I mean freak dancing complete with the white man’s overbite and finger snapping — in your underwear singing Stevie Wonder’s I Wish at the top of your lungs. I know this because after I had … More Horrifying
Hey, Kambri, where were you when the President declared the end of the war in Iraq? Why, Yankee Stadium with Christian Finnegan, of course! In my typical way, I got *free* tickets to the game and quickly called Christian to tell him, “No, we won’t be watching a movie after all. No, we won’t be … More We Interrupt This Program…
Watching the opening sequence to Mr. Personality makes me want to shove splinters under my nails. Quotes such as “This is a life long decision” and “I’m going to meet the love of my life” make me want to shove splinters into that chick’s urethra while I wear a creepy mask. Now that would be … More Oh, Puh-leeze!
Kambri Crews 