Boy, at this time of year, the residents of New York are desperate for anything remotely sexy looking. I have been getting the most lucrative offers, outrageous comments, overt come-ons, and overly long leers since wearing my new shiny, red high heels. And that’s just from the women. —Kambri They are so very sexy!
Humans, in general, have to compensate for their shortcomings. If you are going to be mindblowlingly stupid, you simply shouldn’t be rude. No one will help you. People will avoid you. If you’re butt ugly or incredibly “quirky” looking, you probably have to be extra talented and funny to boot. If you’re smart as a … More General Observation
Jack to the staff of Shelly’s: “I hope you all get what you deserve for Valentine’s Day.” Hostess: “Why thank you, we will.” Jack: “Good, then I’ll see you at the clinic on Monday.” —Kambri I’m expecting a raise.
A fu*king fake doll in a fake life with a fake townhouse and fake career can’t make her fake love last. Yes, I’m talking about Barbie. News hit the AP wire that she and Ken split. What kind of BS PR move is that? Two days before Valentine’s Day? What jackasses. Why not ruin the … More If They Can’t Make It . . .
Over lunch at Mr. K’s, Jack enlightened me on some acronyms I may not have been familiar with: Jack: NFW = “No fu*king way!” AWFKM = “Are you fu*king kidding me?” Me: That’s AYFKM. Jack: Yeah, well, we’re in a Chinese restaurant. —Kambri MLYLT – SSFD
Jack: “Look what my wife insisted I wear tonight.” Stuck on his crotch a sticker reads: “Useless if stolen.” —Kambri And it’s useful when?
Someone found Christian’s site by asking Jeeves “how to fingerbang”. If this person legitimately wants to learn such a technique, I have two answers for him/her: (1) Don’t call it “fingerbang”; and (2) Don’t ask a guy named “Jeeves”. —Kambri Jeeves may, however, know the definition of “rusty trombone“.
No, he didn’t. He saw a bunch of jackasses with expensive cameras whooping and hollering. —Kambri I predict Spring will arrive on March 20th.
Jack happened to walk up behind me just as I was holding my hands out trying to get a visual measurement of what is approximately two feet. Noticing my actions he quipped, “That’s me before Viagra.” —Kambri Hoo-hah!
After Jack made a lewd comment about a slightly chubby woman wearing an awkwardly small skirt in a voice loud enough she could hear, I asked Jack, “Have you ever been punched?” His reply? “Yeah. Once. In a boxing match.” —Kambri He’s quick that Jack. Just ask his wife.
Kambri Crews 