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I’m no good at karaoke, but sometimes find myself wanting to participate. A friend got a certain evil glint in his eye when he suggested we go sometime — a look that suggested I would be the butt of private jokes for years to come. Well, sure I’ll go, but I’m singing in sign language. A friend suggested, “I Touch Myself.” Perfect! Who is the pathetic loser now?!?!

Hey, that was a rhetorical question!