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>Have I Got a Story For You!

>So last week we produced a show with Hedda Lettuce, a NYC drag queen and helluva funny host, named “Tossed Salad” with the tagline “Not Your Garden Variety Gay Comedy Show”. Clever, right? Plenty of double entendres and very dirty (only if you know what a “tossed salad” is) but still very printable for press. For the debut, gay porn star Michael Lucas was scheduled to appear, show a clip from his latest movie and give acting lessons to aspiring gay porn actors.

There was even talk he was going to give away a walk on role in his next flick. I desperately wanted to win and play a gardener who simply wants to garden. The credit would say, “Introducing Kumbri Screws.” I even wrote my own line: “Oh, don’t mind me boys, you can keep going…I just need to trim this bush.” And I would then trim a real bush (not on a girl) while the boys finished their scene. I was convinced this would be hilarious but Christian zapped the fun out when he pointed out that I would probably freak out seeing two real live men actually fu*king in front of me and get kicked off the set. My x-rated movie debut dream was officially crushed.

I digress.

I have thousands of free NYC condoms I receive on a regular basis from the Dept. of Health for promos and such. We taped a condom under each chair for an Oprah-esque giveaway and the audience filed in. Michael arrives with his DVD and gives it to our tech guy to play the clip on cue. But………Michael doesn’t know exactly where on the DVD the scene is. The show is about to start so, in a rush, Michael describes the scene he’s looking for and asks our very heterosexual techie (dude has dreads, no question he’s straight) to watch this gay porn to try to find the clip!

He was traumatized.

Though seriously shaken up, he did find the scene, the piece went over okay, the condom giveaway worked as planned and it’s a wrap!

Fast forward to Sunday. We have a church group every week and this one coincided with Passover. To make it special, the church organized a scavenger hunt for the *children* and sent them on a hunt for prizes they left….under the chairs. Mayhem broke out when the kids ripped off NYC condoms out from underneath thinking they’d won some prize and the parents were horrified to find their spawn waving around a condom screaming in glee, “I won! I won!”

The same tech dude was on duty so he dealt with the aftermath. Needless to say, he won’t be doing tech for Hedda’s next installment of “Tossed Salad” on May 21st.

I couldn’t make this up if I tried. It’s a scene ripped out from a bad teen comedy.