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High Point of Monday Night

No, it wasn’t nearly getting banged by a 5’3″ Asian. Good guess, but WRONG! I was chatting with Sob Stories alum Doug Benson of the Marijuanalogues last night and suddenly felt like a complete square. This guy does a show about the glories of weed: smoking and eating and paranoia and so on and so forth. I wear a work wardrobe courtesy of Banana Republic and use an alarm clock regularly. Yet I was determined to make him think he and I were on the same “wave length”, that I was anyone but the kind of girl that only has sex with the lights off while Harry Connick, Jr. croons in the background.

“I grew up with pot smokers, so I know.” Uh, huh, sure…Continue, Kambri…you’re on a roll. I’m fuh-reaky. Wooooooooo! (It’s not true, though…I always have daylight sex and never play Harry Connick, Sr. OR Jr. I even take off my pearls to leave room!)

“Yeah, so I had a horse. Not for riding in competitions or anything. No, he helped keep our acreage tidy and fertilized our lawn and was my transportation to and from the store. So one day my mom was like, ‘What’s the matter with Charlie Brown?’ My brother was like, ‘Oh, fuck,’ and took off running into the woods towards the ‘garden’. Turns out, Charlie Brown had eaten all of the stalks of pot plants… he was stoned, man!”

Doug simply said, “That gives new meaning to the phrase, ‘Get off your high horse.’

My high horse has attitude…I’ll get off when he wants me to.