All Blog Entries

>Ralph Mouth is a Mooch!

>I’ve been hearing this guy, a mouse named Ralph Mouth, eat Paquita’s dog food for months now but haven’t really done anything about it. I caught three of his cohorts over the winter and set them free but they were different. They were on my kitchen counter as evidenced by their miniscule poops.

This guy, though, just feasted on Pacutie’s grub and hid behind the stove. What’s the harm, really? So when asked if I had pets I’d say I have Paquita Borgito Borgato Chorizo Jimemez the chihuahua that knows about 10 tricks in sign language, Larry Bird the parakeet that catcalls and barks like the chihuahua, Maybelline the rabbit rescued from NOLA that is litter boxed trained and Ralph Mouth the mouse that eats dog food. A logical addition to my strange little menagerie.

But, although Maybelline the rabbit is a rodent, too, somehow I knew people thought me a wee bit crazy for hanging on to Ralph Mouth since he didn’t abide by house rules. So tonight, I removed Paquita’s dog food and within 10 minutes (or less!) I heard THWAP! The door on the no kill trap swung shut and Ralph Mouth was officially a house guest that had over stayed his welcome.

I put on my tennis shoes and made my way to the kitchen. (One can’t deal with feral rodents without proper footwear, you see.) His little tail was peeking out of one of the cracks of his flimsy crate and I tried to soothe his frantic efforts with my best mouse soothing voice and choice phraseology.

Tonight, after he stops trying to figure out how to escape, he will dine on a hefty pile of peanut butter before he is set free. He’s outgrown this place anyway and there’s a big grocery store waiting for him. Somewhere very far from here, namely across Northern Boulevard.

He’ll forget about us in no time.