First, happy birthday to Bob<\/a>. Long time, no see.<\/p>\n

My dad’s birthday fast approaches. Let me tell you, there simply are not enough cards for fathers in jail.<\/p>\n

I settled on one that said something about how a dad’s love means so much to little girls and big girls, too. That seemed innocuous enough. I mean, he does love me, and that’s gotta count for something, right? How much it really means to me (a big girl, for those in doubt), I don’t know, but Hallmark needs to pick up the ball on this shameful void.<\/p>\n

Per his request in his most recent letter, I purchased him 60 weeks of USA Today. He says, “You kow that USA [Today] is best news in the world.” Whatever you say, Dad, your subscription starts tomorrow.<\/p>\n

Fun Father Fact: His parting advice to me on first dates,”Don’t fuck.”<\/p>\n

—Kambri<\/a>
\nVerbatim quote. No lie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

First, happy birthday to Bob. Long time, no see. My dad’s birthday fast approaches. Let me tell you, there simply are not enough cards for fathers in jail. I settled on one that said something about how a dad’s love means so much to little girls and big girls, too. That seemed innocuous enough. I mean, he does love me, and that’s gotta count for something, right? How much it really means to me (a big girl, for those in doubt), I don’t know, but Hallmark needs to pick up the ball on this shameful void. Per his request in his most recent letter, I purchased him 60 weeks of USA Today. He says, “You kow that USA [Today] is best news in the world.” Whatever you say, Dad, your subscription starts tomorrow. Fun Father Fact: His parting advice to me on first dates,”Don’t fuck.” —Kambri Verbatim quote. No lie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,32],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/603"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=603"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/603\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4871,"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/603\/revisions\/4871"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=603"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=603"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=603"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}