>Now, I know 3-1\/2 inches doesn’t sound big, but I’m not talking penis-size here, people. I’m talking spider<\/em>-size. Men, forget those enlargement pills. Somehow turn your man-meat into an eight legged furry arachnoid and suddenly you’ve got something guaranteed to make any female shudder.<\/p>\n

Quietly lounging beachside under a canopy, sipping a virgin strawberry daquiri, reading The Devil Wears Prada <\/a><\/em>and nearly nodding off, I felt a little tickle on my inner thigh. That little tickle was courtesy of this orange spider<\/a>. I sat paralyzed for a moment contemplating on whether it was poisonous and if it would sink its teeth into me once I tried to swat it away. Before I could act, it was scurrying towards my crotch and then my underside then my other thigh then my calf then back to the original thigh all within two seconds. Deft<\/em>. <\/p>\n

I mananged to use my book about the Devil<\/a> to brush it away and propped him on my flipper to take him to shady ground and resumed my lounging after a big laugh at the image of me trying to pry my dazed gangly self out of a sunken beach chair whilst simultaneously shooing a giant beast away from my thinly veiled cooter without killing the offending visitor. Mission accomplished. Now, where was I? Ah, yes, reading and snoozing and sipping.<\/p>\n

—Kambri<\/a>
\n
Had it been a 3-1\/2″ penis in disguise, things would have ended much differently, I assure you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

>Now, I know 3-1\/2 inches doesn’t sound big, but I’m not talking penis-size here, people. I’m talking spider-size. Men, forget those enlargement pills. Somehow turn your man-meat into an eight legged furry arachnoid and suddenly you’ve got something guaranteed to make any female shudder. Quietly lounging beachside under a canopy, sipping a virgin strawberry daquiri, reading The Devil Wears Prada and nearly nodding off, I felt a little tickle on my inner thigh. That little tickle was courtesy of this orange spider. I sat paralyzed for a moment contemplating on whether it was poisonous and if it would sink its teeth into me once I tried to swat it away. Before I could act, it was scurrying towards my crotch and then my underside then my other thigh then my calf then back to the original thigh all within two seconds. Deft. I mananged to use my book about the Devil to brush it away and propped him on my flipper to take him to shady ground and resumed my lounging after a big laugh at the image of me trying to pry my dazed gangly self out of a sunken beach chair whilst simultaneously shooing a giant beast away from my thinly veiled cooter without killing the offending visitor. Mission accomplished. Now, where was I? Ah, yes, reading and snoozing and sipping. —Kambri Had it been a 3-1\/2″ penis in disguise, things would have ended much differently, I assure you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=679"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=679"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=679"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kambricrews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=679"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}