>What’s Happening to Me? — An Adult Version
I got to bed super late Monday night. I tip-toed around trying to be hyper hush hush so as not to wake my roommate. Did he hear the door? No. Did he hear me changing clothes? No. Did he wake up? Yes. Nothing could stifle to pops and clicks that my bones were making. Ah, yes, those creaking bones your mother warned you about. It’s true: I am fast approaching 33 years of age.Someone should write a version of the above-linked book and warn all us unsuspecting fools that women start growing hair in odd places and of the horrid things that happen (or don’t) to men.

And then, the worst part, brace yourselves . . . I was shopping in Express trying to remain young in, at the very least, my attire when a house version of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” filled the space. I actually said out loud, “How could they?” But, really, how could they? “I’ll never shop here again!” I thought. So I bought a few hundred bucks worth of clothes (Big sale, ladies!) and promptly got the hell out of there before I heard any house-AC/DC. My heart simply would have stopped.

So, Express, thank you for showing me that “I’m going through changes,” in ways I could never have imagined.

—Kambri
Come on, a dance version of CHANGES? $@%#^