>Shhh, Don’t Tell Christian . . . . . . but I baked a chocolate on yellow birthday cake decorated with red sprinkles and peppermint shavings:

Click here for last year’s cake which was white on white decorated with multi-flavored Nerds. Yes, attentive reader, that does make TWO cakes I’ve baked in one year. It seems Martha Stewart laid eggs in my ear and made ME the next Domestic Diva. Once I get a patent on my automatic pot stirrer and figure out how to turn kitchen faucets into keggers, I will conquer the world — the WORLD, I tell ya! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Now, if only I had a shady stock advisor or, hell, a savings account . . . Oh, wait! I got a new letter from my Jailed Deaf Dad™ and here’s what he had to say this time:

Yes I got USA [Today] newspapers. Don’t worry about money. I will pay you money
back when I’m free world.

Mmm, kay. I’ll start keeping track of my expenditures then. So let’s see, I spend about $200 a year on his various prison needs, so if you count this year plus the 19 more he needs to serve, I’m going to have at least $2,000. Jealous much? I thought so.

Aruba 2023, baby! Aww, yeah.

—Kambri
Happy birthday, Christian! You’re the best boyfriend EVER!!