First, happy birthday to Bob. Long time, no see.
My dad’s birthday fast approaches. Let me tell you, there simply are not enough cards for fathers in jail.
I settled on one that said something about how a dad’s love means so much to little girls and big girls, too. That seemed innocuous enough. I mean, he does love me, and that’s gotta count for something, right? How much it really means to me (a big girl, for those in doubt), I don’t know, but Hallmark needs to pick up the ball on this shameful void.
Per his request in his most recent letter, I purchased him 60 weeks of USA Today. He says, “You kow that USA [Today] is best news in the world.” Whatever you say, Dad, your subscription starts tomorrow.
Fun Father Fact: His parting advice to me on first dates,”Don’t fuck.”
Verbatim quote. No lie.