American Idol, Amazing Race finale AND Dateline‘s “To Catch a Predator” are being aired simultaneously tonight. Actually, no dilemma at all since Kathrine McSucks and Elliot Yawnmin are still in it. My DVR has found a perfect match in pedophiles and risky foreign travel.
Last night’s Brett Rattner photography exhibit was lovely (i.e., many munchies and free flowing, well staffed open bar) and in a very interesting design space but, really, not a lot of pictures at which to gawk. Everyone seemed to be looking at everyone else with an expectant, “You’re somebody, right?” kind of look which made the whole place seem desperate. Some Croatian dude with a missing canine practically ass raped me in front of Christian which was the most fun thing to happen the whole 40 minutes* we tolerated the place. I made sure to have the photographer grab a couple of stills of Finny (much to his horror) before we moved on to the Beard & Moustache thing at the Knitting Factory.
*Three drinks and an entire free meal of butlered satay and sushi takes more time than one would imagine.
The facial hair contest was as hot as you might expect a room of curly haired men to be. Sweaty, smelly, stuffy and filled with an aroma that one can’t quite put her finger on without first being swathed in latex. I will admit, however, that the best beard contestant decked out in biblical, middle eastern garb (see right) smelled quite exotic. When asked, he informed me that he massages the oils of a tree in his short and curlies. Mmm…exotic, indeed. I single-handedly started a chant for contestant number 200 seen at left (TWO-HUN-DRED, TWO-HUN-DRED, TWO-HUN-DRED…) as the winner of the moustache category. However, he inexplicably lost to #204, a mock Chinese dude clad in traditional Chinese wear who gave a boring and needlessly long speech to which I screamed, “GONG!” This comment promptly deemed me a racist by Todd Levin. I guess The Gong Show isn’t popular amongst the 20-something, hipster Williamsburg crowd or else I actually am a racist towards 40-something old Asian man dressed in a brocade robe dancing to “Dun dun an dun dun dunk dun dun.” Dude had a shitty moustache. I’m all about style, man.
A dude shows up nekkid on Dateline tonight, fergodsake…