>Self-Review

>Being on stage for five minutes after a three-odd year absence was fun. I got a couple of big laughs. We’ll probably perform the bit again at some point but we’ll edit a few lines and get separate microphones rather than share one. Christian also surprised me with a few impromptu questions before our piece began. I totally suck in situations like that. If I were playing a character and answering questions in that persona, I’m fine. When it’s me just being me on stage, I am so lame. I just can’t think on my feet without being horribly scathing of the person asking the question, which I don’t want to do, so I instead take too much time trying not to say the mean thing and come up with something nice but witty. Ugh. Anyway, it went like this (internal dialogue in brackets):

C: “So, Kambri, how has it been dating me so far?”

Me: “So far, so good.” PAUSE

[Am, I supposed to keep talking? Okay, here…]

Me: “It’s had it’s ups and downs.”

[Evil grin and wink which elicits a few chuckles from stage left where my wink and grin were visible. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t imply impotence issues. Stop it, Kambri!]

C: “What would you like me to do to improve on our relationship?”

[What?!?! He can’t ask me something like this totally unprepared in front of strangers! The previous “ups and downs” line won’t shut up in my head!]

Me: “Buy me jewelry, take me to restaurants…”

[I am so fu*king stupid! Jewelry? I don’t even wear jewelry — I don’t want jewelry! Restaurants? We go out every freaking night! What am I saying, somebody please shoot me now! I should have said, “This is only an hour show…” ARGH!]

C: “So, do you have any plans on dumping me anytime soon?”

Me: “Why don’t we just see how this bit goes first.”

So, the bit started and it went great. Next time, we’re preparing the interview questions dammit!

Speaking of interviews, mine for a Labor Day special to air on a talk radio station about my first job was last night, too. It went well since it was a more serious topic and it will be in a book one day. The edited MP3 will arrive soon and I’ll post it if it isn’t lame. Fat chance.

—Kambri

Three-odd years is a long time. Considering that, I was okay. Just okay.