I made some pitstops along the way at a Native American pueblo Acoma Sky City, drove through the Petrified Forest and spent an afternoon in Jerome, AZ. A town where I would love to own a shop. So full of character and history. I got a cool kaleidoscope to keep as a reminder even though it wasn’t actually made in Jerome. 

I had hoped to go on a hot air balloon ride during the sunrise in Sedona but they called the morning of (5:30am) and said there wasn’t enough wind. Bummer. So I went on a hike instead and lo and behold, what do I see in the distance? Balloon after balloon launching. I was so fu*king pissed and disappointed. The company said that those balloons were w/ a different company and that, although they launched, they almost immediately drifted into the side of a mountain and stayed stuck there for 45 mins. So, yay? It was still a bummer.

On the way out of Sedona on the drive to the Canyon, I stopped at Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff hoping to do a night tour / star gaze / telescope look-through. Their telescope discovered Pluto!  I got there at 4:30 only to find out it closed at 5pm on Sundays while there is still daylight out and, therefore nothing to see. Again, I was so upset and disappointed. I felt like Clark Griswold from National Lampoon’s Vacation. I just needed to scream and cry and punch a cartoon mascot in the face. 

The Grand Canyon made up for all that and then some. The Canyon went above and beyond in making sure I was rewarded and paid back for my bad luck in Sedona. I planned to hike but hiking to the bottom of the Canyon and back up on the same day isn’t advisable. It’s highly recommended that if you hike to the bottom, you have a plan to stay overnight. To do that, you have to have a camping permit and, well, camping gear (tent, etc.). I certainly don’t have that stuff and wouldn’t get it for just one night as a solo traveler. There is also a set of cabins / dorms at the bottom called Phantom Ranch. It’s booked so far in advance and so popular that the only way to secure a spot in a dorm or cabin is to enter a lottery 15 months in advance (they’re taking lottery entries for Feb 2020 right now).

My friend Robin had joined me part way thru my trip and she & I talked with a park ranger named Ron Brown at the visitor center to get his advice on what to do/see in two or three days. He mentioned taking a mule ride. I said how I’d heard mixed reviews from other customers so decided against it. He said, “Doesn’t matter anyway, because the mules are sick with a respiratory infection…but, hey, you know what that means? It means you could probably get a last minute spot at the Phantom Ranch.”

Since people who either can’t or don’t want to walk down to the bottom and hike up again, getting down by mule is the only way. So, if you were planning on going down by mule to stay at the Ranch you’re S.O.L. Lo and behold they only had two slots left and they were both in the female dorms. !!! Robin and I high-fived and made our reservation and headed back to tell Ron the good news and thank him for the tip. He was so thrilled he loaned us his walking sticks saying, “I’ve been loaning these out for 15 years and they always come back to me.” NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT BE THE PERSON TO LOSE RON’S STICKS!

We had even better luck the next morning when we checked with the Phantom Ranch people stationed at The El Tovar Hotel. We found out they could upgrade us to a private cabin. A private. Cabin. At the bottom of the canyon! WHAT?!

We had the best breakfast in the fancy El Tovar dining room where I fell in love with the artwork and Mimbreño china then hopped the shuttle to the South Kaibab Trailhead to begin our descent. 

To be continued…

Since opening QED in 2014, I haven’t been able to travel save for the occasional trip to upstate. My mind, body & soul were aching for a vacation. I have major wanderlust and it’s been straight-jacketed for over 4 years as I nearly killed myself with exhaustion and stress opening and running my little theater and going through cancer treatments.

This past August, Christian announced he’d be enjoying a full month in Edinburgh, Scotland to stage his solo show “My Goodness” as part of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I was jealous. Utterly, completely, unabashedly jealous. It also meant I was left to care for two dogs and QED solo in the heat of summer for a full month. Doable, obviously, but not ideal. As a thank you, Christian promised me a full week of being “me” at QED while I took a vacation.

September and October were jam-packed with QED stuff, of course, but I also threw my whole heart, soul and body into working on the midterm elections. Win, lose or draw, I decided that the morning after Election Day would be the perfect time to unplug. Where best to do this? Why, Santa Fe, Sedona and the Grand Canyon, of course!

Our election night party at QED was bumping, packed to the gills and full of excitement as the results came in. I left at the crack of dawn for LaGuardia. People love to hate on LaGuardia. But I was out the front door and at my gate in 21 mins, including a pit stop for coffee and a banana. Not my record of 12 minutes (!!! Not joking. I once did this in twelve minutes.) but there was construction and it was a busy work day during rush hour. Seriously. 

I got in late thanks to a layover and needing to get a rental car. Driving in the pitch black backroads of Santa Fe was a little scary, but I was checked in to my hotel and had a great travel day of reading and writing and last minute work stuff. 

In the morning I realized those backroads were not back at all, they were pretty regular and very near the city center. They just don’t have street lights or giant buildings and people must go to bed with candlelight or something. I was thrilled to discover I hit the sweet spot with fall colors, too. I always think of the northeast for “leaf peeping” season but, lo! The cottonwood is a showstopper.

I love a good walking tour, so I found one that started at noon leaving me time for breakfast in the town square at the Plaza Cafe.

Chiles are everywhere here. In restaurants, they’re in practically every dish (even dessert) and ristras (dried bunches of chiles on a string) are hanging all over the place. There are two kinds of chiles: green and red. But the red is simply a ripened green chile. At I ordered a breakfast burrito which was served covered in peppers. When I ordered they asked, “Do you want red, green or Christmas?” I opted for Christmas which is a mix of both types. Tis the season and all that jazz.

Since it was nearing the actual Christmas and not just the fun name for a chile mix, the town square was being decorated with red hatch chile ristras. I told you! The chiles were EVERYWHERE.  

Waiting for my walking tour to start and found a cozy nook in front of a fabulous fireplace at the La Fonda Hotel which was designed and decorated by the architect Mary Colter. 

Have you heard of her? I hadn’t. But the tour guide mentioned her and another tourist asked something about The Harvey Girls and The Fred Harvey Company. They all seemed to know what that meant but I wasn’t in on it. The tour guide noted how it was usual for a woman to be an architect –there was no law against it, it was just something women did not do. So Colter got her start by working as an interior designer. When the guide discovered I’d be headed to the Grand Canyon, she said I’d learn lots more about her there as she designed and/or decorated many or most (all?) of the original structures including The Phantom Ranch at the bottom of the canyon. 

Her work as an architect and designer was highly influential — her style of “parkitecture” became known as National Park Service Rustic—  and yet I’d never heard of her! How is that?! Everyone has heard of Frank Lloyd Wright and yet Colter is arguably more influential than he was. The fu*king patriarchy, man.

Anyway, back to Santa Fe. Get a load of this…I mean, seriously! How can you *not* love Santa Fe?!  

Either middle-aged, middle-management white males of Grand Rapids aren’t getting laid enough or I’ve found a new target demo. I am HOT in GR! Like “grown men walking into poles” hot.

I checked into my room at the Amway Grand Plaza (yes, the Amway. I haven’t heard of them in years but they’re inescapable in GR.) which is grand, like the name implies and like everything else in the city, and sprawling. They really need to install a map kiosk like in a shopping mall. Even after two nights there, I got lost trying to find my room.

I was a sweaty mess in my jogging clothes after having gone for a run and had a confused look on my face. A man who worked at the hotel (I assume as he was wearing maintenance type clothes but no name tag) cut his conversation short on the house phone and offered to help direct me. But he wouldn’t just tell me exactly where the main lobby was. He gave short vague answers like, “You’re headed the right way,” and kept asking where I was going. “The main lobby, just tell me where the main lobby is.”

At one point he asked for my room number. Now, I’m sure to him he knows the hotel like the back of his hand and having my exact room number would tell him which tower (yeah, they had towers, like we’re all Rapunzel or something. Crazy big!) I needed to be in and which elevator bank within that tower would take me to my room. But, dude, here’s the thing: No matter how nice you are, how helpful you think you are being and how innocent you know you are, if you have a penis don’t ask a woman who is a stranger to you for her room number. I said I’d trace my steps and start over and thanks anyway and left him standing there. I’m 99% sure he was not a rapist but that 1% is what keeps us ladies always on guard. I can hear his argument at the imaginary rape trial now, “I thought we had a date. She gave me her room number…”

Eh, you know how the victim-blaming story goes. So, anyway, back to Grand Rapids! The hotel gym had a full size pool, hot tub, tanning beds, tennis courts and, my lordy, I wanted to move in! My room had a balcony with an incredible view of the river (What river? Why the Grand River, of course.) and the gorgeous fall colors. I was so happy to be traveling all over the midwest & northeast during peak leaf changing season. This picture just doesn’t do it justice. I could also see native golden boy Gerald R. Ford’s Presidential Museum which I decided I needed to visit simply because of how close it was to my hotel.

My first day there was to give a speech at Grand Rapids Community College as part of the Diversity Lecture Series. I had a quick breakfast and returned to find that housekeeping had left me a note and a voice mail. I had the “do not disturb” sign on my door but apparently they couldn’t believe that I didn’t want service because they called again! I’d been here one night! What could possibly need to be cleaned?! So I said sure, I needed service and had the housekeeping lady zip up my dress instead. Now THAT’s useful!

Sidebar: don’t kill anyone in a fancy hotel. They do wellness checks and just won’t leave your room alone, “do not disturb” sign be damned. I’d recommend the Best Western on Highway 105 in Montgomery, Texas. I stayed there five nights and not once did they call. There were no security cameras, lights, nothing. That is SIX days of getting to Mexico time, people!

Dress zipped, I met my host from the college for an early dinner and to go over the itinerary of events. The speech itself was held at the gorgeous Fountain Street Church. I’m not a religious person –I think most organized religion is a little too cult-like and abhor anyone who selectively uses Bible passages to justify vilifying and/or discriminating– but I could see myself attending this church. It’s non-denominational and reading their mission made me want to hug an evangelical and say, “It gets better.” That’s me pictured on the left sitting in the preacher’s (? preacher, minister, I dunno what you call them) chair and a big rainbow stick. Not sure what that’s for but it made me happy the way rainbows should.

My host said I was joining a distinguished list of speakers of the series and warned me not to get intimated when I saw the church’s green room. I thought she was pulling my leg until I laid eyes on the photos of Helen Keller, Amelia Earhart, Susan B. Anthony, Robert F. Kennedy, Malcolm X, Gerald Ford (duh) and so many more. I was almost embarrassed to add my name to the list. Almost.

We arrived at 5:00 the morning of the 8th and by 8:30 AM we were napping at the beautiful Westin located right in the heart of all the Dublin action. After lunch near the River Liffey, we met the film crew and director and headed over to the Guinness Storehouse for a walk through of the film schedule. With a big day ahead of us, we took it easy that night by eating and drinking from 7:30 till midnight with the crew.</sarcasm>

Day Two was spent filming which went so smoothly we actually finished early. That’s gotta be a first. Highlights were Christian crawling through a pit of barley before dropping and making a barley angel, Christian bantering with the Guinness Brewmaster Fergal Murray (no joke) and learning how to pour a proper pint of Guiness and lots of free food and drinks with the Comedy Central folks.

Day Three we grabbed breakfast and walked over to O’Connelly Station where me met up with our tour guide Brendan, an older Irish fellow wearing a tam-o-shanter and smoking a pipe. Brilliant. We hopped in our private car on the train headed to the Wicklow Mountains where we were treated to some breathtaking sites and quintissential Irish photo opportunities: Half deteriorated stony buildings situated on a lush green cliff overlooking the ocean…cows, sheep, mossy stuff. Highlights included the monastic ruins in Glendalough founded in the 6TH Century by St. Kevin and watching weavers weave on dusty old fashioned weaving “machines” for Avoca in a tiny, old little building located in Ballykissangel. It was me, Christian and four workers just working away without a care in the world that we were staring intently, filming and wandering around. So fascinating and intricate we bought two sweaters and a scarf.

We got back in time for a quick nap before meeting up with the musicians of the Musical Pub Crawl. They treated us to two hours of traditional Irish music: jigs, reels, ballads and taught us the difference between them, the types of sets we could find around town and the various instruments used. Assuming I get my movie together, I’ll use tunes from their CD as the background music.

Day Four we bought a ticket to one of those “hop on, hop off” double decker bus tours. We had a few destinations in mind for the day so the bus ends up being cheaper than cab fare, plus you get the tour to boot. (I’ve always thought that, although they seem a little cheesy, these bus tours are the best way to get a good understanding of the lay of the land, a brief history of the city and a cheap ride.) We toured around the city seeing various sites of interest such as the homes of Oscar Wilde and Arthur Guinness, his wife & 21 (!) children, Phoenix Park, Dublin Castle, St. Patrick’s Cathedral and so much more.

We hopped off at the stop for the Kilmainham Gaol where we paid 5 euro each to get a guided tour. It is a sad history of mostly political prisoners but also of severe punishment for small crimes. Women and children were housed in the same facilities as men and overcrowding and illness were a constant problem. The names of the prisoners are still etched above the doorways with some attempts at humor such as “O’Brien Hotel” and “No Vacancy”. Incidentally, Kilmainham was used in the filming of the Daniel Day Lewis movie In the Name of the Father.

A quick hop on then off again this time to drink a pint at Brazen Head, the oldest pub in Ireland dating back to 1198. There we watched Ireland make an amazing attempt at a comeback against France in a brutal match of rugby. Quite possibly my favorite three hours of the whole trip.

Day Five was only 1/2 long as our car was scheduled to pick us up at 1:00. So we did some early morning filming for my movie idea which entailed me standing in front of various pubs doing intros. We then packed and napped till it was time to walk across the street to Trinity College where we paid 8 euro each to see the oldest book in existence the Book of Kells and the most amazing library I have ever seen. It literally took my breath away. It is called the Long Room and made seemingly entirely of oak with a barrel-vaulted ceiling at least four or more stories high. We were thisclose to a Bible from 1632 that is just sitting there on a shelf collecting dust along with a gamillion other books.

Afterwards, we walked back across the street to see our driver David waiting for us. We loaded up the car and headed home to JFK where we seemingly garnered all the luck of the Irish as a record setting blizzard hit New York yet our flight left on time, arrived safely and about ten minutes early.

—Kambri
Check out a few of our photos on Flickr.