>Christian was on MSNBC’s “Countdown” tonight with guest host Rachel Maddow and talked of The Ponch.

Real endorsements from fictional authorities

And the TRUTH about Christian’s encounter with a real man’s man!

—Kambri
Look for Christian on The Today Show tomorrow morning in the 4th hour.

>

—Kambri
I quit smoking 14 years ago this August 13th and no kids for me, thanks.

>The fabulous Anya Garrett put her favorites of our photo shoot online and looks like she touched up a few, so here’s a better look see.

—Kambri

>Yesterday’s shoot went well. I was tense at first –I haven’t had a real photo shoot of just me since I starred as “Maggie” in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof back in 1998. Back then I was acting regularly and “in character,” so truthfully, the only shoot that was all Me! Me! Me! would have been for my senior photos! I seriously can’t wait to do this again now that I can relax with Anya. I should probably pay to get my hair and make up done, though. How do you even go about doing that?

In no particular order, here are a few favorites. They aren’t touched up and there’s probably one or two more than I could use but, lordy, there were a lot of pictures to go through. Blah, blah, here they are:

—Kambri
Definitely ready for my second close up!

>I had a photo shoot with the lovely Ms. Anya Garrett yesterday. I was a little self conscious at first but definitely loosened up after my bloody mary kicked in. I think we got more than a few keepers out of it.

Carol Hartsell of Drink at Work is busy editing the Mini Hot Dog Eating Championship film and we hope to have it ready in time to go viral before July 4th.

—Kambri
Not much else other than negating my gym visit with a plate of delicious buffalo chicken wings and beer. Mmmm.

>http://godspottery.blogspot.com/2008/06/shocking-sex-news-from-nyc.html

—Kambri

>Christian’s appearance on Olbermann made it on CrooksandLiars.com:

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2008/06/26/countdown-lame-duck-laughs-or-the-oaf-of-office

—Kambri

>Christian got three pieces of hate mail immediately following his Olbermann appearance. I hadn’t seen it yet so I asked, “Jeez, what the heck did you say?” We were kind of excited about the buzz but it turned out to be the same person writing from three different email addresses. Bummer. I watched the clip and it’s no more or less scathing. But you can judge for yourself:

More political fun

—Kambri

>Everybody here at Comix just gave me a great surprise cake and gifts and they all sang happy birthday to me in Ochi’s Lounge with all the comedians that are here for Ochi’s Motel. So nice! I guess that means I won’t sabotage Florent’s cake tonight after all.

—Kambri
This show tonight is going to be insane!

>Yesterday was so perfect. Christian and I woke up early, went to the gym then headed to Grand Central Station where we hopped on a train to Bridgeport. The train stop was just a block or two away from the theater which was a lovely space with seating for about 270 people. Being a Sunday matinee meant Christian and I were pretty much the youngest people there so Christian wanted to wager on whose head would nod first.

The musical “Barnum” itself is just okay. The review in the paper actually summed it up perfectly when they said the book and score are weak but “Thank God for Scott Ramsey.” He was so perfectly cast and really brought life to the show. When Scott was describing how the musical was originally produced on Broadway, it made more sense. They relied on real circus performers and innovative stage design to make up for half-assed writing. Anyway, he was a delight and afterwords we rode the train home with him and his mom who had flown in from Texas to surprise him.

When we got to Scott’s, he presented me with the most glorious birthday gift of ALL TIME. A recording of a short scene from the movie Klute we filmed when I was 16 and he was 17 — though he looks like he’s 12, and I look like I’m 30. It was for a friend of his who was a film major who had to do it for their editing class. It is fu*king mortifying and delicious and, oh, I can’t wait to share it with the world. I’m actually going to contact The Rejection Show or try to get re-booked on Mortified, it is THAT awe-ful (TM). After viewing it twice, we had an amazing dinner at Rosa Mexicana. All in all, it was a perfect way to spend my birthday.

—Kambri
Christian got me a gorgeous dress he picked up in Santa Monica so I can wear it tonight to Florent’s closing / birthday party. He has the best taste ever!

>I’m celebrating my birthday by going to Bridgeport to watch my Tex in the City pal Scott Ramsey star in “Barnum”! He’d better bring the goods!

—Kambri
Watched the pilot of “Damages”. Wow! Good stuff!

>I’m becoming a real life media maven! The Mini Hot Dog Championship film I wrote and directed is being edited with voice overs added next Wednesday to be completed in time for July 4th. I can’t wait to share it with you and the WWW. It was loads of fun to do. Nathan’s will be shaking in their boots at our competition. Heh.

I had a meeting with a casting director for a reality docu-drama he’s working on, but he couldn’t tell me for what network. He thinks I’m perfect but I don’t think I’m right for it. But it got my mind working overdrive about some TV show treatments I wrote and never pitched. I think one is such an amazing show idea, never done before and so perfect for a few networks that I’d be a fool to let it dry on the vine. Yes, I am writing a book, working with God’s Pottery, Christian is taping a new DVD this fall and, oh yeah, Comix, but as we know: I’ll sleep when I’m dead, right?

Tomorrow is a gauntlet of TV and radio with Doug Benson with a 5:00 AM wake up call. I perform tonight on The Family Hour so I’ll be out late on top of it. Ick.

My birthday is Sunday but who cares about an odd birthday on a Sunday night so I’ll probably just head up to Bridgeport to see my Tex in the City pal Scott Ramsey in Barnum. He’s got the starring role and Sunday will be their closing show, so I think that could be a fun day.

Besides, on Monday, Florent is closed and we’re throwing a big party for him, his restaurant and *his* birthday. I’m going to sneak in my name on his cake and share his celebration. The line up is *ridiculous*; full of famous drag queens and other celebs, so I’m going to love the day after my birthday.

—Kambri
Ready for her close up.

>The Onion & Comix are teaming up to raise money for ComedyCures. The showcase will feature Judah Friedlander, Gods Pottery, God’s Pottery, John Mulaney, Pete Holmes, Tom Shillue, Ted Alexandro & tons of AWESOME raffle prizes like tickets to Xanadu, Ricky Gervais and so much more!

WED, JUNE 25th @ 8:00 PM
Comix
353 West 14th Street
New York, NY 10014

Tickets are $15 in advance or $20 day of show plus a two item minimum purchase in the showroom. Tickets can be purchased online at www.comixny.com or by calling 212.524.2500 and ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of ticket proceeds will go to ComedyCures.

—Kambri

>Christian is on the MSNBC web page devoted to “Friends of Countdown…” And he was on again last night, so here’s that clip:

Political funnies of the general election

—Kambri

>It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was. –Anne Sexton

—Kambri

>
Christian on Chelsea Lately from kambric on Vimeo.

—Kambri

>While walking with Paquita this morning, I found a velcro Spiderman wallet on the corner this morning. It had a ten dollar bill and some orange construction paper slips with little stick figure spiderman drawn on them. I’d rather have found $10, then it would be more of a little treat instead I just I feel bad for the little boy who lost it. I wish I knew who he was so I could make his day. You know he’s feeling pretty rotten about it where ever he is.

On the same corner, a mail relay box (not the regular mailbox but the green secured kind) was open and a canvas bag full of mail was inside. The lock wasn’t broken so I’m guessing the mailman just didn’t close it properly. Oops.

Then, I entered the lobby of my apartment and heard the loud, distinctive sound of a woman getting screwed. Right by her front door which is right by the lobby front door.

—Kambri
This is all before 11:00 AM. Wonder what the rest of the day will bring?

>Christian was on Olbermann again, so the clip is below. He was on Chelsea Lately last night but I can’t seem to get a clip. I recorded it, though, so will get it online by the weekend. He was funny and really shined. Gawker has a partial clip here.

Meanwhile, Olbermann:

Divas love Obama

—Kambri
Kicked a$$ at UCB tonight!

>Someone found my site by searching ‘kambri, nude’. I hope they didn’t find what they were looking for.

—Kambri
Performing at UCB tonight!

>So I separated Larry from Dinah for a couple ofdays now and guess who woke up chirping this morning? He and I just catcalled back and forth for a few minutes before he went back to sleep. He’s still sleeping way too much to be 100% okay, but I haven’t noticed him lifting one foot more than the other which would have been a bad sign. Is it possible he was just malnourished from Dinah hogging all the food and stressing him out? I hope so, even though that means they can’t live together. They can still have play dates!

“Sundays at Seven” I’m doing Seth Herzog’s show “Sweet” tonight at the Slipper Room. They have air conditioning folks! AIR CONDITIONING! $5 at the door. Tomorrow night I’m going to perform at UCB which I’m super excited about because I’m going to let the audience decide what story I will tell. I think this will make it fun and fresh for me. THEN, Thursday is a special Daddy’s Day edition of The Family Hour where I’m going to tell a nice story about My Jailed Deaf Dad.

—Kambri

>I woke up at 6:30 this morning unable to fall back asleep because I’m so excited for filming today! Hedda Lettuce had to back out yesterday, but we’ll get her back for another time. Off to make mini hot dogs!

—Kambri
Now I can add director to my resume.

>Kate Hudson was cute and casual when she introduced the clips from Bride Wars which had its wrap party last night. The film doesn’t come out till 2009 but the clips were really funny.

Seth Herzog just booked me on “Sweet” at the Slipper Room for June 10th at 8:30. He’ll talk about his dad with his infamous mommy, I’ll tell a dad story and Kristen Schaal (Flight of the Conchords and other awesomeness) will do something, too. Details are shaping up, so stay tuned. The next night, June 11th, I’ll be making my debut at the illustrious UCB Theatre (thanks Hy and Justin!) and I *think* a really famous lady is on the bill, too.

Meanwhile, I’ll be performing on the season finale of “Sundays at Seven” at the Irish Arts Center. When? Sunday night at 7:00, duh! Heh. All the details are on my calendar. Christian is on the line up as well as some other swell, talented, funny folks and the venue is pretty comfy. I’ll have a few friends there who haven’t seen me do anything ever or in a coon’s age so that will be fun.

But, what I’m most excited about is a new script I wrote for a digital short spoof. We’re filming it tomorrow and, if all goes well, we should have it online the week of July 4th. Yeeeeeeeee!!!

—Kambri
Oh yeah, and I finished my book proposal.

>Performing on The Family Hour in Ochi’s Lounge in about an hour before going to the wrap party for Bride Wars.

—Kambri
Something tells me I’ll be underdressed.

>

—Kambri

>

—Kambri

>

TimeOutNYCFTravel
Originally uploaded by kambricrews

Christian gave his tips and tricks for a life on the road in this week’s issue of Time Out New York.

>Christian is interviewing American Idol winner David Cook today and won’t let me come along to watch / meet him. AGH! I’m so jealous!

On to other Best Week Ever panelists, Paul F. Tompkins comes to NYC today. I have some press for him to do tomorrow and Friday to promote his four shows at Comix this weekend. Christian and I will be at one of the Friday shows for sure. He’s one of my favorite comedians — other than Christian, of course — and I highly recommend checking him out.

—Kambri
Save $5 on tickets with the code “eblast”.

>My head is pounding and my ears are ringing after an amazing night of Van Halen at the Garden. Typing out just why last night was so important to my inner child would take too long, and I’m not even sure I can fully relate to you, dear reader, how much I love Van Halen and David Lee Roth. My friends Eric and Josh were in the FRONT ROW and a DVD was being filmed so, yeah, my night must pale in comparison to theirs. Regardless, the event will live forever in my memory as a truly momentous occasion. I kid you not, I got teary-eyed twice and choked up today when re-telling of the teary-eyed moments.

—Kambri
Too bad I don’t still have the David Lee Roth poster that I kissed every night before bed; Christian’s been on the road for much of May!

>

—Kambri

>I’m counting down to Family Hour in Ochi’s Lounge and the premiere of Last Comic Standing on NBC tonight. Keep an eye out for Christian rock duo and latest Ballyhoo Promotions client God’s Pottery.

Update: The NY Daily News previewed Last Comic Standing and gave God’s Pottery a shout out! Check out God’s Pottery online at www.godspottery.com.

—Kambri
I have butterflies on their behalf. I can only imagine how they must be feeling!

>I went to Ochi’s Lounge to hear Bob Powers read from his new book You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Super Hero @ Liam McEneaney‘s “Writings with Music” show. It was a great reading and funny show, but lordy the book. It’s part one in the “Just Make a Choice!” book series. Bob let me skim through the galley which lived up to my to my nerdy needs of tough choices, graphic illustrations and the bitter prose that rings too true to this now 30-something who used to love “Choose Your Own Adventure”, and, in fact, still has one or two of her old originals.

—Kambri

>

Earlier today I got an excited voice mail from Christian. He just heard Tim Russert farting on camera during Tim’s coverage of Ted Kennedy on MSNBC. “I replayed it about five times and I am positive it was a fart. I DVRd the clip so when you get home watch it! It’s between 6:06.28 and 6:07.57.”

He then called Best Week Ever and told the producer in hopes that they might air it. The first thing he asked me when he got in the door tonight, “Did you watch it?” Of course I thought he meant American Idol; but, no, he was still thinking of the gassy mishap. Why are farts so funny? I don’t get it, yet I eagerly kept my ears peeled when Christian replayed the clip for me six or eight times. Indeed, it was a fart. And I think I heard more farting later in the clip but Christian wasn’t quite sure. We gave it analysis just shy of the Zapruder film before moving on to more important things like the aforementioned American Idol finale.

I don’t have time to type out my dissertation on the whys and wherefores of who I think will win vs who should win. I’ll just say give you this:

After David Archuleta’s performance of the song “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me”, Paula said, “The sun is never go down on you…” to which Christian replied, “Neither is any woman.”

HEY-O!

“But David will go down on someone’s son.”

HEY-O!

—Kambri
Ba dum bump!

>The foiled Todd Barry scam made it into Cindy Adams’ column in today’s New York Post. Click on the image for a larger view.

Last night I told a story at SpeakEasy and did really well, I think. I had no notes and had never been to the venue so I was especially proud for not completely choking or losing my cool. Thanks to the lovely Sherry Weaver for booking me and making me feel so welcome. She’s a doll.

—Kambri
Gearing up for another show Sunday night at the Tank.

>Did you see this week’s Time Out NY? I was dubbed an “emerging monologuist.” Cool! Tonight I’ll be monologuing for a few minutes on SpeakEasy: Stories from the Back Room.

I hope to see you there! Here are the details:

THURSDAY, MAY 15
7:30 show; doors at 7:00 — $10

BAR REIS
375 Fifth Ave. at 6th Street
Park Slope Brooklyn
R or M to Union Street Station

Join Sherry Weaver and her band of storytellers for an evening of startling personal revelations! Contact www. speakeasystories. com or call 718-783-1197.

—Kambri
Going sans notes these days. I’m progressing — or, EMERGING!

>Congrats to my Freestyle Love Supreme pals who got nominated for THIRTEEN Tonys for “In the Heights”! THIRTEEN! I’ll be seeing them in a couple of weeks, if not sooner, and lots and lots in July. You can, too, when they’re at Comix. First chance is June 12th but buy your tickets now because these boys sell out.

—Kambri
13!

>A long, long while ago I set up a Twitter account. I can’t for the life of me remember what or how I signed up. Since I never really used it, just made a new account which you can track here if you so choose: https://twitter.com/kambri.

This is our 3rd spring in this apartment and every year, a mama bird builds a nest in a pipe underneath our kitchen window. Every time I turn on the water or slam a cabinet the little babies wake up chirping for food. The mama bird spends every waking minute flying back and forth with food for them. How exhausting! I threw some bread out and made it land on our A/C unit, but honestly I think she’s more discriminating than, say, a pigeon. I just wish there was a way I could maneuver a bowl of seeds out there for her. She’s really fascinating to watch. Bird watching = I’m officially old, right? Or is it my chronic lower back pain and lack of any desire whatsoever to watch The Hills or Gossip Girl?

Yesterday, I wrote My Jailed Deaf Dad, sent him $25, worked out at the gym (WTF, right?!), caught up on my DVR tapings which included seeing Craig Baldo (comedian and DJ at my and Finny’s wedding) on Conan O’Brien who also gave Comix a shout out. I’ve decided to stay in again today and try to get back on the writing saddle. It’s cold and rainy out so it’s not a hard choice to make. So far, I’ve only updated a few broken links on my press pages and updated other random websites. Procrastinating with other work again.

—Kambri
It could be worse, I could give in to temptation to play GTA4 on our Playstation. The pull is strong (it’s set in NYC and the Beer Garden in Queens is included!) but I’m resisting so far.

>Dead-Frog.com and Stage Time Magazine ran the foiled Todd Barry scammer alert I sent out. Turns out, the scammers started with authors! (Link courtesy of Rachelpink.)

Andy Kindler of the comedy tour Stand Uppity was on Late Night with David Letterman tonight and has been blogging for 236.com. Befriend him and his fellow tour mates Marc Maron and Eugene Mirman at myspace.com/standuppity and visit 236.com/standuppity for dates, venues and ticketing info. Nationally, besides a bunch of random web entries, I’ve got them booked on Bob & Tom on the morning of May 12th and Eugene recorded a bit for Mancow. If you’re radio listeners you’ll know those shows are pretty big in the markets where they are appearing. They have lots more radio coming down the pike but I won’t bore you with all that. Instead, enjoy this promotional video featuring the three irascible rogues.

—Kambri
Not sure irascible applies to Eugene but, whatever, I like the sound of “irascible rogues” and am sticking with it. Plus it’s hard to spell for most people but not me, spelling bee whiz! (If anything is misspelled in this blog other than irascible, I will slink away shamefully.)

>I just nailed a guy on the phone pretending to be Todd Barry and trying to get us to wire him money so he could get his car out of an impound lot! BUSTED! Fu*ker didn’t even sound remotely like Todd. I put him on hold while we got the REAL Todd Barry on the phone and confirmed that he was in NYC at a sound check at Town Hall where he’s performing tonight with Flight of the Conchords.

—Kambri
Todd doesn’t even have a car.

>

Dog Whispering
Originally uploaded by kambricrews

At one point even more dogs joined my little circle. I have a little magic spell I cast on them. It’s activated with Pupperoni.

>So last week we produced a show with Hedda Lettuce, a NYC drag queen and helluva funny host, named “Tossed Salad” with the tagline “Not Your Garden Variety Gay Comedy Show”. Clever, right? Plenty of double entendres and very dirty (only if you know what a “tossed salad” is) but still very printable for press. For the debut, gay porn star Michael Lucas was scheduled to appear, show a clip from his latest movie and give acting lessons to aspiring gay porn actors.

There was even talk he was going to give away a walk on role in his next flick. I desperately wanted to win and play a gardener who simply wants to garden. The credit would say, “Introducing Kumbri Screws.” I even wrote my own line: “Oh, don’t mind me boys, you can keep going…I just need to trim this bush.” And I would then trim a real bush (not on a girl) while the boys finished their scene. I was convinced this would be hilarious but Christian zapped the fun out when he pointed out that I would probably freak out seeing two real live men actually fu*king in front of me and get kicked off the set. My x-rated movie debut dream was officially crushed.

I digress.

I have thousands of free NYC condoms I receive on a regular basis from the Dept. of Health for promos and such. We taped a condom under each chair for an Oprah-esque giveaway and the audience filed in. Michael arrives with his DVD and gives it to our tech guy to play the clip on cue. But………Michael doesn’t know exactly where on the DVD the scene is. The show is about to start so, in a rush, Michael describes the scene he’s looking for and asks our very heterosexual techie (dude has dreads, no question he’s straight) to watch this gay porn to try to find the clip!

He was traumatized.

Though seriously shaken up, he did find the scene, the piece went over okay, the condom giveaway worked as planned and it’s a wrap!

Fast forward to Sunday. We have a church group every week and this one coincided with Passover. To make it special, the church organized a scavenger hunt for the *children* and sent them on a hunt for prizes they left….under the chairs. Mayhem broke out when the kids ripped off NYC condoms out from underneath thinking they’d won some prize and the parents were horrified to find their spawn waving around a condom screaming in glee, “I won! I won!”

The same tech dude was on duty so he dealt with the aftermath. Needless to say, he won’t be doing tech for Hedda’s next installment of “Tossed Salad” on May 21st.

—Kambri
I couldn’t make this up if I tried. It’s a scene ripped out from a bad teen comedy.

>I just got offered cash from a tabloid to share some secrets about a famous pair’s budding relationship. Um, no. Ick.

Atlanta is so lovely thus far. Trees, grass that looks like carpet, perfect temperature and a gentle breeze. Granted I haven’t ventured further out than the hotel and the Punchline but who cares. It’s so relaxing and great to be out of the city! Christian’s mom is coming to the show tonight and, if things fall into place, my old high school pal will be coming tomorrow so the trip isn’t all work and no play.

We just took Paquita on a walk through the thickest, lushest grass and she is happier than a horny rooster in a hen house. And I just ate an Arby’s Roast Beef sandwich! Oh lord how I used to love those.

—Kambri
I haven’t eaten one in about 10 years. TEN!

>

—Kambri

>

DSCN0391
Originally uploaded by kambricrews

Christian and I are going to a few open houses today to see what’s out there on the market. We love living in Long Island City but a few openings of latin dance clubs later and it’s time to move. And my sidewalk pretty much always looks like it did in this picture I took yesterday. We’re right on the border of Astoria and LIC which is no man’s land. I’m convinced that Precinct #114, Vallone or Gioia don’t really give a hoot about it since there aren’t many residential buildings here and, therefore, not a whole lot of constituents put up a stink. Couple that with the fact that NYers are transient and, well, nobody really calls this their home for long.

We love our apartment but when we met with our accountant then took a gander at what was out there, and we’re practically salivating at the idea of living in a place with central heating and air and a washer and dryer within our home just like Christian’s time travel joke (too long to type). While, I’m not looking forward to wading through the real estate waters of legalese, high pressure salespeople, conflicting opinions about the time to buy, and the like, I am liking the idea of having access to the rooftop again, a gym and a real neighborhood that the other residents value.

—Kambri
So is the time to buy now? Who the hell *really* knows?

>I’ve been booked on another show in May. This time it’s “Tell Your Friends” at Lolita Bar on May 15th. Check out my calendar for details. The lineup is pretty sweet.

Christian and I are going to our friend’s book signing at Barnes & Noble today before he heads back to Ochi’s Lounge with me for “The Family Hour”. I’m reading something new (I’ve said that a bunch already, haven’t I?) and will be taping my set again in hopes of getting some good clips out of it. But I’m always more nervous when he watches me. Ugh.

—Kambri
Yay for Spring weather! Man it’s uplifting!

>Some of you know that Larry Bird, my parakeet who barks like a dog (Paquita, specifically) and does a fierce catcall, is institutionlized. Much like “Brooks” in The Shawshank Redemption, Larry just can’t cope with life on the outside. Then he met Dinah, a pure white little girl with no fear who paces frantically in front of the cage door squawking at me until I let her out to fly in circles and peck on Maybelline’s salt lick. Six months later and Voila! Who sat on my finger today chawing on millett? Mr. Bird. Sans Dinah. On his very own! Just me and him. I never thought it would have happened. I’ve been trying for over SIX years! And, after his treat, I calmly let him back inside where he didn’t scream and fuss in protest at the dirty human hands that had just soiled his feathers.

Speaking of Dinah, she is fairly new to the family which means Paquita hasn’t smelled her butt enough. This means Dinah, upon landing where ever, gets a thorough ass sniffing from the Dog. This perplexes me in so many ways. How does the dog always know where every creature’s butt is? And just what is to be learned from shoving her nose halfway up it? Dinah, dainty little creature that she is, cannot STAND it and promptly ruffles feathers and cleans and cleans until her butt feathers are unsoiled from filthy wet dog nose.

—Kambri
Off to clean my butt feathers.