• All Blog Entries,  Family & Life,  My Jailed Deaf Dad,  Random

    Seven Years Ago

    Seven years ago, I was hanging out with a “B” as in “boy” -illionaire till the wee hours of the morning. At one point he grabbed my hand and deliciously whispered into my ear, “Kambri, when you live in my world, you can do anything you want.”

    Indeed, in his world, you can.

    At the same time, 1,542 miles away, Dad was stabbing Gloria.


  • All Blog Entries,  Family & Life,  NYC

    Birthday Wishes & Caviar Dreams

    I spent the morning of my 38th birthday perched on my fire escape like I was in the balcony of a theater.

    Not quite 5:00 AM, the sun was making its rise to my right. The Chrysler and Empire State Buildings were still shadows to my left. Their lights were out and the sun was not high enough to make them glisten.

    Below me, drunken club goers shouted in Spanish, threw punches and bled on the sidewalk. Bouncers from the corner Latin dance club swarmed to the scene. With lightening speed, they shoved half of the warring factions into a compact car that squealed its tires through a red light.

    This is New York City Masterpiece Theatre at its rawest.

    I hadn’t slept in nearly 24 hours, but I was happy.

    Pass the popcorn, please.

    Tired and happy.

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    Too Old? Too Sexy?

    Click the photo to see the answer inside of this year’s handmade card sent to me by Dad for my birthday. What a treat to see it in my mailbox today. He never fails to crack me up. (In case you can’t see the details too well, the front has a square panel cut out, revealing what looks to be buttocks.)


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    The Internet Sucks Sometimes

    I went to wish someone a happy birthday on Facebook and saw his status that said my grandma is on her death bed.



    I didn’t know.

    I didn’t leave a note. What was I going to say? “Yay, happy birthday, my grandma will soon be dead but, hey, you made it another year. Yippee!”

    My brother didn’t know either. Well…he does now. Life in the digital age is strange new territory. The internet has made keeping in touch easier but the social etiquette of things isn’t all laid out nice and neat. I think it’s safe to say, though, immediate family should be informed before a status update. Or maybe Twittering an actual death is the best, most modern way of spreading the news. It worked for David Carradine.

    So, now I have the task of telling my dad that his mother might be dead very soon. She’s 92 so it’s not like it’s not been a long time coming, but he’s been asking about her a lot lately. Not because he’s worried about her so much. He’s more interested in protecting the furniture he made her and other material things. He has nothing and so he broods and worries and frets and boils over and hems and haws and…well…you get the picture. He’s got TIME on his HANDS.

    I worry that when she does pass, he will enlist me with another laundry list of To Dos. Ask about this, make sure about that. Well, guess what, Dad? If you weren’t in jail, you could do this yourself because I really don’t care about *things*. I’ve shed myself of house and home and junk more times than I can count. I like being portable. I don’t want cars or furniture or stuff.


    But…he has no advocate. No one is listening to him and that’s a big bugga boo for him for so long. To not be heard.  So, if he needs help in being heard, I’m the only one here to give that to him.

    And I will.

    And I’m not sure why.


  • All Blog Entries,  Christian Finnegan,  Comedy,  Tex in the City,  Travel

    Texas Roundup

    I feel like I’m on a “This is Your Life” tour! Having a whirlwind week in Texas with Christian who’s here touring with his DVD “Au Contraire!” We hit Austin Monday, did radio there yesterday, then he performed at the Alamo Draft House. But not before we had a great dinner with some of my long lost high school friends and a Tex in the City pal. I’m seeing most of them again very soon when we return to Texas for my birfday. But the show was good, decent crowd for a Tuesday at a non-comedy venue. It’s actually a movie theater so the setting made for not ideal lighting and sound for comedy but it was great nonetheless.

    Speaking of Tex in the City, this Friday is the last First Friday Roundup at Comix. We’re taking July and August off but we’ll resume in September. We’ve already raised loads of cash that will go towards helping Texas theater students come to NYC. More on that later but it’s a dream project of mine and Scott Ramsey‘s and how easily it came to be makes us know we’re doing the right thing. I love Scott so much and doing this with him has warmed the cockles of my heart.

    So, back to the tour. We were on The 950 radio this morning talking shop with Outlaw Dave. That was fun. Tonight we’re at the Improv where Christian will headline in front of a pretty large crowd, I think, which includes my mom and a bunch of friends from Ft. Worth (where I attended high school) and Montgomery where I grew up. Then we have to leave at 2:15 in the morning. IN THE MORNING!? To drive to Dallas for morning radio on KZPS 92.5. Oh, Christian pre-taped a segment for Dallas radio with a guy I graduated with. Will have to find the name of the show (some alternative rock show?) but while Christian was getting interviewed we all figured out the connection and now I’m Facebook friends with him. Fun.
    The Dallas show is the only dicey one on the tour. At 10:30 on a Thursday night it’s a tough spot and, on top of it, the club has a FREE show beforehand. Arrrgh. Hard to compete but hopefully there will be at least 30 people – that’ll make it fun and goofy. Some of those folks will be high school friends, too, but my camera is FULL. Bring cameras, pleeeease? All of us are meeting up for dinner beforehand so we’ll probably be giddy and tipsy.
    No time to visit Dad in the clink, unfortunately, but at least I’ll get some laughs with Mom tonight. Thanks to everyone who bought tickets and sent notes of support. Hope to see you soon somewhere out there.
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    TMZ Snark & Touring

    TMZ caught some video of me, J@mie Kennedy and Jennifer L0ve Hew1tt going to a TV show yesterday. Eek. Glad they couldn’t see MY bald spot from my cancer surgery. But I guess they weren’t really interested in me. Heh. But why does TMZ or any celeb gossip have to be mired in such catty negativity? I’ve never understood that since to really get good scoop, you have to have the trust of the celebs and their reps.

    Anyway, press went really well, Jamie was a trooper and the shows were packed. Jennifer was a dutiful girlfriend and sold merchandise for Jamie after the show. Ah, yes, I remember those days. I miss being able to travel with Christian and help him after shows. But I WILL get to do that as part of his “Au Contraire!” tour when it swings through Texas in a couple of weeks. Check out his calendar for dates and times which also include his appearances at the Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival!

    Click here for the TMZ video.


  • All Blog Entries,  Christian Finnegan,  Comedy

    Hey, Texas, Hold on to Your Boot Straps!

    My husband Christian Finnegan will be kicking off his tour for his DVD “Au Contraire!” soon and there are three Texas dates. The Dallas one seems lame and odd (10:30 on a Thursday night at Hyenas…Hyenas? Really?), but it’s better than NOT having a Dallas date, I guess. Anyway, I’ve copied & pasted the info I have so far:

    06/02/09 Austin, TX Alamo Drafthouse Cinema (Lake Creek)
    Time: 8:00pm. Admission: $15.00. Box office: 512.219.5408.

    06/03/09 Houston, TX The Houston Improv
    Time: 8:00pm. Admission: $15.00. Box office: 713.333.8800.

    06/04/09 Dallas, TX Hyena’s Comedy Club
    Time: 10:30pm. Box office: 214.823.5233.

    I hope to see y’all there!
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    Entertainment Weekly Review

    Yippee! I’m so excited for Christian at his Entertainment Weekly review giving him a “B”. Of course, the review is of his Comedy Central special which is an edited down version of his full hour set.

    And I just set the DVR to record CHRISTIAN FINNEGAN: AU CONTRAIRE! on Comedy Central Fri, May 8 @ 11:00PM EST. Psyched to see it on the TVGuide.

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    Janeane Garofalo & I will be out & about tomorrow. First stop is 101.9 RXP with special musical guests The Walkmen. I’m hoping I can charm them out of free tickets for their show tomorrow night at Webster Hall.


  • All Blog Entries,  Anipals,  Christian Finnegan,  Comedy

    Olbermann, Au Contraire!, and Paquita on a TV Pilot

    Christian will be doing the Countdown thing on MSNBC tonight. He’s using his new Twitter page @ChristFinnegan to get suggestions on which random word to work into a joke. David Schuster is guest hosting and should plug Christian’s upcoming DVD “Au Contraire!”

    Speaking of, Warner Brothers put together a trailer for the DVD which turned out really well, I think:

    And, finally, I saw some footage of the pilot Paquita filmed for Scoop & Shanda. I snagged a couple of screen captures. She was so cute and composed in front of the live studio audience. I can’t wait for you to see the video footage of her on Christian’s DVD extras, too. Those videos will be added to his above YouTube Channel soon. Meanwhile, click on the pic to take you to the few photos from the pilot.


  • All Blog Entries,  Family & Life

    TMI Vol. 8, Issue 2

    “Be honest, Kambri,” Donna said dripping with accusation in a morphed New York, London, Virgin Islands accent. “Whattuv yew bin doin’?”

    “What are you asking? Have I been lifting weights? Noooooo, of course not.”

    “Kambri….whattuv yew bin doin’?”

    “I live on the 4th floor of a walk up and the subway is two blocks away. What do you think I was doing?”

    OF COURSE I was active. Even the Asian lady and Jose the short order cook at my corner deli asked where I was when they saw Christian with our dog for my morning coffee run. I needed to be with my people. The whole no walking two blocks thing was meant for the old folks they usually deal with anyway, right?

    Wrong. My stitches were removed and, as I discovered, the whole not walking two blocks thing was real and that extra third week tacked on for my healing was much needed.

    Okay, so the cancer was POW! ERADICATED! but there’s still the gaping hole in my head that needs some tending to. And the hole, while on the mend, is still a fleshy divot that looks like a giant ingrown hair.  Think Godzilla size if Godzilla had a hair follicle that grew in. In fact, I have to make an appointment to go back to the doctor simply to remove the ingrown hairs they’re expecting. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wish I could be the one to free them. But the doctor said NO! with a kind of gross shock and awe guffaw reply, “You won’t be able to reach them!” But why the shock and awe? YOU GET TO DO IT. Not fair. That is some satisfying shit like popping a zit or freeing a baby from a well.

    Christian has been a fabulous nursemaid but the road beckons. He is headlining at the DC Improv this weekend and today is his birthday. Some celebration taking his wife to get stitches taken out and examining my new hair follicles in way too bright of light. I’m sure he’s fantasizing about my stubbly gash right now.

    In his absence, banished to my 4th floor apartment, I ordered prepped meals from Fresh Direct arriving some time between 4 & 6 tomorrow, and my buddy Jose swung by with some necessities to tide me over till then. You know: V-8, toilet paper and beer.

    Neither place, however, delivers Bacitracin or nurse services and trying to swab  a gaping wound in the reversed mirror image of your own head is a weird / hard / painful / gross / fucked up / sad / laughable trial and error with heavy weight on the error part. Basically Bacitracin is serving as a deep conditioning treatment for the new hair growth which is surprisingly thick and dark. Very dark. So dark, I might go brown when I finally get to get a shave and a haircut since I will never go in the sun again ever. EVER. You hear that, Texas?

    Ummm. What else? Oh, yes, so it’s Christian’s worst birthday ever, and I snuck a thank you / birthday card in his suitcase. There really are no words to express how thankful I am to my friends for stepping forward with some chocolate, US Weekly, morbid humor, normalcy and general occupation with stupid emails. But Christian? This Bud’s for you (if you drank Bud) and I tried to say so in a note that made him cry…

    On the toilet.


    He read my heartfelt thank you for taking care of my stubbly gash when I thought I was burying myself and willing my dog and things to friends and writing the final chapter of my book…nay, my life…ON THE TOILET WHILE TAKING A DUMP AND STARTED CRYING.

    What can I say, it was moving. Hey-O!

    Gash.  Heh.

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    Psst! Hey Kid, Wanna See My Scar?

    Now that I’ve gotten the all clear from my doctor, I feel like I can unload what’s been occupying my every thought, every hour, every minute, every second of every day: I had some cancer scooped out of my scalp.

    Basically, I had a half dollar-sized birthmark on my scalp that went haywire and required a chemosurgery called Mohs Technique. Sometimes it’s not a good thing, the Internet, because I spent the week preparing for surgery doing Google image searches of Mohs and generally freaking myself out. Even though the survival rate of Mohs is quite high (upper 90s percentile a/k/a seriously-ridiculous-to-worry level), I had planned a very elaborate funeral and Scott & Brian called dibs on my dog Paquita.

    After the surgery, I sent Mom and a few close friends a wrap-up which I’ll share part of here:

    Subject: De Pain, Boss! De Pain!

    So that sucked, but thank God it’s done. Despite some minor downsides, I think it’s all good.

    It went from “Do you have Tylenol at home?” to “Have you ever taken Tylenol with Codeine?” to “Are you allergic to Percocet and Oxycontin and Tramadol?”

    I was awake for the whole thing and, um, yeah, it’s surreal to hear your scalp getting cut away with scissors and to know it’s not going well. Close your eyes and imagine the sound of chewing a mouthful of Cap’n Crunch except the crunching, tearing sound isn’t cereal, it’s your head. Still hungry? Neither was I.

    To put  my Humpty Dumpty scalp back together they called in Oliver, a Spanish fellow who thinks Lil Rounds is going to win this season American Idol*, to push and pull and grunt and hold my scalp in place while they clamped it shut. WTF? How far we’ve come with medicine but it takes some hairy man arms to pull me back together. He did everything except use his feet to leverage more strength. Barbaric / Awesome.

    The major downside is that due to the extra scooping and cutting they had to do, an extra week was tacked on before the stitches can come out. I am only allowed to walk two blocks at a time but, since I’m on the 4th floor of a walk up they said that’s definitely out. So, thank heavens for DVRs, DVDs and the Internet. But Facebook + Wordscraper + Percocet + Tramadol + Oxycontin = zero writing on my book.

    Christian canceled his week at the Ft. Lauderdale Improv so he could take care of me. Twice a day for over two weeks now he has cleaned and bandaged the giant, bloody gash on my head**. I can’t thank the Universe enough for bringing us together. Although we’re kind of getting sick of being around each other this much — usually I’m in the city and/or he’s on the road for at least part of every week — there’s no one else I’d rather annoy or be annoyed by.

    Late Thursday, I learned that I’m all clear. No further surgery, chemo or radiation required. So now, I just have to get the stitches out and grow my hair back. For the non-squeamish, here’s a link to a photo of the scar in the making. It’s not a small area as you can see and two and half weeks after the surgery, my hair is only 1/8 of an inch long. I haven’t gotten a haircut in months and my hair is scraggly and patchy and awful.  I’ll be glad to see my hairstylist Daniel again and have him whip up some magic around the gash.

    Christian’s DVD tour will be starting soon and I was looking forward to traveling with him to Texas to see old friends — some for the first time in 20 years. And while I would rather not sport a short ‘do, it’s better than being bald or, you know, dead. So, instead, I’ll see y’all soon wearing a snappy new spring beret and pretending I’m your French cousin.

    *Clearly Oliver is there for his braun not brain. Lil Rounds has as much of a chance of winning American Idol as I do starring in a shampoo commercial. Ain’t happening.

    **No sooner did I praise him before he got on the radio and said my wound looked like a second vagina. Bloody gash, indeed!

  • All Blog Entries,  Christian Finnegan,  Comedy,  TV & Movies

    Christian was on The Today Show

    >In a pre-produced piece about Obama’s Leno appearance. He’s in the very last few seconds and they made a really strange choice in quotes. Anyway, here it is:


  • All Blog Entries,  Christian Finnegan,  Comedy,  TV & Movies

    Olbermann Two Nights in a Row!

    Christian was on Olbermann again on Wednesday night making it two nights in a row. Sweet! And Keith plugged Christian’s headlining appearances at Comix this weekend. Four shows, tonight & tomorrow. www.comixny.com. Meanwhile, here’s the video:

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    Page Six & Margaret Cho

    Yesterday was a banner day. The Tom Davis party (see below entries) made it into Page Six yesterday. And at 5:30 last night we announced Margaret Cho as John Roberts‘ special guest on Sunday night’s two shows at Comix. Then at 6:30 we celebrated the First Friday Roundup in the main bar with nearly 100 guests enjoying complimentary Pearl Vodka cocktails and $4 Lone Stars. Pictures to come on Monday.

    Now that that’s done. Back to the writing.

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    Dog Day Afternoon

    My dog Paquita’s day is about to go from zero to AWESOME. She’ll run on a treadmill, drink wine, play dead & more in front a TV audience. Fatman Scoop & Shonda of MTV’s “Man & Wife” are shooting a talk show at Comix today and needed a small dog for a segment. Well, guess who got the gig? Ms. Paquita Borgito Borgato Chorizo Jimenez!

    After nailing her lines during the filming of Christian’s “Au Contraire!” DVD extras (pictured at right on set with Christian and director Oren Brimer), her reputation of being a pro in front of the camera got around.

    I hope she nails her scenes again today. Either way, we’ll get some great footage to add to her reel.

    Eat her Pupperoni, Taco Bell Dog!

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    Oscar Night Oh What a Night!

    My annual Academy Awards viewing party was better than ever. This year’s RSVPs totaled 450 with about 250 in attendance. My Tex in the City pal Scott Ramsey helped co-host the night (Christian was traveling this year) and designed these lovely centerpieces. Each table had different movie posters and celebrity images illuminated with candles. Cool, huh?

    Special thanks to Brian Donnelly & Katie LaStoria for helping tally ballots and trivia.  Thanks to everyone who came out and made the night a ton of fun and huge success. Until next year, happy movie watching.

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    Watch the Oscars in our showroom for FREE and enjoy discounted food and drinks all night long.

    SPACE IS LIMITED, RSVP REQUIRED! See below for RSVP details.

    You’ll have the whole Comix bar and showroom to enjoy with big flat screen TVs showing nothing but the Oscars. They’ll have ballots for sale with chances to win lots of great prize packages given out during commercial breaks. Even if you show up late, you won’t be out of the running to go home with a prize.

    Brush up on your trivia, too, for even MORE chances to win.

    Food specials include:
    CalaMarlee Matlin
    Lord of the Wings
    Whoopi GoldBurger

    Enjoy drinks like:
    Tropic Thunder
    Harvey’s Milk
    Frosty Nixon and more!

    6:30 until End of Broadcast
    353 W 14th Street
    New York, NY 10014
    212.524.2500 | www.comixny.com

    Showroom doors open at 6:30 so if you’re into the red carpet coverage you won’t miss out. Oscars start at 8:00.

    RSVP to kc@texinthecity.com with the number in your party. Seating is first come, first serve for those with an RSVP. If you don’t RSVP, seating is limited to the main bar.


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    Roundup Wrap Up & Stuff

    Last night’s Tex in the City First Friday Roundup was the most attended event in Tex in the City history. We raked in over $1,000 in sales and that’s not including any raffle stuff. Photos and a write up to come. Pencil in March 6th from 6:30 – 9:00 for the next one. Be sure to RSVP as might need tight security check in. We’ll see.

    Next up is my annual Academy Awards viewing party. This free event has also grown every year with last year’s attendance at about 250 people. Christian will be out of town this year so my Tex in the City partner Scott Ramsey will be co-hosting. Tomorrow, after Paquita films her scenes for Christian’s DVD extras, she and I will head over to Scott’s place in the Village to brainstorm menu and drink names. Last year I had fun with “There Will be Bloody Marys” and “No Cosmo for Old Men.” This year’s menu and nominees are tougher, but I still have a few funny ones, I think.

    But back to tomorrow’s filming. I’m really excited for Paquita’s film debut. Her picture has been in the Onion before but that was just a pose. For her scene, she has to perform about five of the fifteen plus tricks she knows all while sitting in a 1970s mod chair as she’s “interviewed” by Christian who will be in costume. I’ll take some photos throughout the day and post some online as a sneak peak.


    Stage mom.
  • All Blog Entries,  Christian Finnegan,  Comedy,  TV & Movies

    It’s Official!

    Christian Finnegan’s hour long comedy special “Au Contraire!” will air on Comedy Central May 9th and the DVD hit stores May 12th!

    Last night he was on Olbermann with guest host David Schuster and really hit a few homeruns cracking up Schuster:


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    My Week at a Glance

    Tomorrow I’m having an after work powwow with my new editor. My original one was canned as part of corporate downsizing. Whatcha gonna do? It’s a pretty common occurrence in the industry, I guess. On the positive side, my new one is super stoked about working with me. I’ve heard friends’ nightmare tales of getting a new editor who completely hates the book, doesn’t jive well with them, etc. I should consider myself lucky. Another positive, I hadn’t gotten very far with my original editor since I was busy writing the first draft. I’m thisclose to having a solid working manuscript, only lacking a few more chapters.

    Wednesday is the doctor, meetings, meetings, meetings and a late evening tour of Comix to an author friend of mine who might have her book launch party there at my suggestion.

    Thursday is Carolyn Castiglia‘s one person show at Ars Nova. Baron Vaughn directed it and Chris “Shockwave” Sullivan of The Electric Company and Freestyle Love Supreme lends his beatboxing talents. Baron is on board to direct *my* one person show if and when I decide to move forward with that. I would probably adapt it from my book in some way so I’m waiting till I’m in the galley stage.

    Carolyn is a peach of a gal and going through some major life changes. I expect that to make her show all that much more intense and entertaining. Click here for ticketing details and maybe I’ll see you there.

    And Friday, of course, is the First Friday Roundup at Comix from 6:30 – 9:00 or later.

    So, that leaves tonight as the only quiet time available to write. I knew this week was going to be a doozy. I’m still trying to figure out a “better way” to squeeze in all the writing time I need while not letting my time with friends and the gym slip away. I got to hang out with a few of my favorite people at “The Family Hour” show in Ochi’s on Saturday night and was like a giddy little kid on a field trip. It’s been forever since I was on the show and got to be with friends just for fun. I read from Chapter Four: Wild Kingdom and was pleasantly surprised at how well it went. Readings aren’t always fun — especially when stacked up against some great story telling — but the audience responded to the parts I had *hoped* were funny. So, turns out all the stuff I wrote when I kept asking myself, “Why would anyone like this?” wasn’t half bad. That’s enough positive feedback to stoke the creative fire for a few more weeks! Being isolated in so many old memories for hours and hours on end sure will zap you of your confidence.*

    *And will also make you a stinky recluse.

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    Free Tequila @ the First Friday Roundup

    Join us at the First Friday Roundup for FREE specialty cocktails, other cheap drink specials, $4 LONE STAR beer, delicious food at a discount. Bring your business cards and a smile as this is a great mixer, meet & greet opportunity.

    6:30 – 9:00*
    353 W 14th Street
    New York, NY 10014
    212.524.2500 www.comixny.com

    *Free cocktails available until 8:00. Space is limited. RSVP REQUIRED . We burst at the seams at the last event! RSVP to kc@texinthecity.com


  • All Blog Entries,  Christian Finnegan,  Comedy,  TV & Movies

    Filming Update

    Christian has Oren Briner lined up to direct his DVD extras which we’ll be filming on February 8th at College Humor’s studios. Paquita has been officially cast as the Chihuahua and my hope is that she doesn’t blow it. She’s in her fake pregnancy stage right now which will hopefully pass soon so she’s back to normal for the cameras.  Though, fake pregnancy or not, she’ll do anything for a Pupperoni treat.  We’ll see. The roles of the real life pole vaulter and sex shop worker have also been filled, so thanks to all who responded.

    More thrillingly, along with Oren, our friend Pete Holmes are finalists in the Doritos Crash the Superbowl Contest. This means they get to go to the Superbowl to see if their commercial wins in real-time. You can vote for their spot “New Flavor Pitch” (which features one of my favorite Ochi’s & Comix comedians Matt McCarthy) every day here:  www.crashthesuperbowl.com/#/gallery/

    Voting also enters you to win tickets to the Super Bowl.
  • All Blog Entries,  Anipals,  Christian Finnegan,  Comedy

    Inauguration Day

    Ooooh boy, today’s the day! I’m so excited to watch the events unfold with my friends at the Comix bar. If y’all need a place to gather. We’ll have the showroom open as well.

    Paquita looks so cute and pathetic walking in the snow that people can’t help but comment on her. This morning a guy said, “Hey Miss, can you walk me next?” His buddy answered, “If you pick up your own poop.”


    Christian is in Atlanta this weekend performing at the Punchline. He and I are looking forward to it. We’ve both of us home so much over the last two months we’re kind of sick of each other. We’re not used to so much togetherness!

    Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all.

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    A Petty Officer and a Gentleman

    Moving in to your horse’s barn because your trailer got repossessed is what some folks might call a low point. It was time for a drastic change, so my parents moved us to the big city of N. Richland Hills, TX.

    It was there — when I was 16 — I met a 22 year old Sailor. It was love at first sight. It was greatest four weeks of my life. The Petty Officer from Akron, Ohio, was shy, tan and muscular and drove a white Trans Am with a fake vent on its hood. Mom said he looked just like JFK, Jr. The movie Top Gun had just been released so when I first saw him covered in grease from working on an F-14 Tomcat I thought my uterus would crawl out of my vagina and snatch him whole and devour him like a hungry Venus flytrap from a Roger Corman flick.

    Read the rest at LoveDaddy.org.

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    Memories from My Old Country Home

    I sent an old friend from Montgomery, TX my yearbooks from our 6th, 7th, and 8th grade years and she mailed me her senior year yearbook. I knew some of the students since I was seven years old. If we hadn’t moved to Ft. Worth before my 10th grade year, I would have graduated with them. So it was genuinely interesting and also kind of heartwarming to see them in a way I hadn’t seen them before: older than when I left them, about to embark on a new phase of their lives.

    After going through the Facebook Page I mentioned below, Mom decided to mail me some old photos I don’t have and some other notes and tidbits she’s kept over the years to add to the page.

    And, best of all, as a Christmas surprise, my brother mailed me an old wrought iron bell in the shape of a longhorn. We used to ring it when we wanted my horse Charlie Brown to come back to the barn for food or I wanted to saddle him up for a ride. It’s been through a lot, not unlike me, my brother and mom. Looking at it brings back so many memories and I’m grateful to him for sending it. I’m going to hang it alongside an old kerosene lamp my mom mailed me a year or so ago. We used to use the lamp in the months before we had electricity. The knob to raise and lower the wick is rusted and stuck, so I doubt it will be in working order again but, like the bell, it’s a lovely inspiration and a reminder of my country roots displayed in my New York City apartment.

    Waxing nostalgic.

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    More Randomness

    My parakeets have discovered the joys of walking instead of flying. It’s fun to see them explore. For example, Dinah is having endless fun in front of my new floor-length mirror, a Christmas gift from Christian. I worry I might step on them, though.  I’ve never had to wonder if a bird is at my feet.

    I highly recommend the “In the Womb” series on National Geographic.  Weed smoking not required because it is a genuine mind FREAK.
  • All Blog Entries,  Books & Publishing,  PR & Marketing

    Facebook Page

    Happy New Year!

    For those of you on Facebook, there is a page for my upcoming memoir about life with Dad. The page includes the feed for this site, photo albums with never before posted pictures, and videos (only three now, one is not closed captioned {yet}, and the other two have no sound so no CC necessary).

    The page also has details on my upcoming performances or media appearances. So, if you’re on Facebook and are so inclined, you can click on the “Become a Fan” link. By doing so, you can also post your own discussion items, comments, receive direct email updates from me, etc. Here’s the link:


    I hope everyone’s 2009 is off to a splendid start!


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    I Wonder

    If a deaf schizophrenic still hears voices.

    If anyone else kept the shoes they walked home in on 9/11.

    Or the shoes they walked in for Blackout of ’04.

    Why it took my passport only 1.5 weeks to arrive. Aren’t we in post-9/11? A white girl from TX isn’t scary as all git out?How I never opened the drawer that held the jeans I’m now wearing in over two years. These jeans are phenomenal.Why Maybelline, the bunny I rescued while in NOLA after Katrina, doesn’t like coming out of her cage anymore. Sideways sad face.

    What story I should tell on Tuesday at SpeakEasy Stories.
    If anyone else’s rent did not go up. Ours stayed the same for the first time in four years.
    Why I’m so attached to clothes I haven’t worn in ages.
    Where all these pens came from.
  • All Blog Entries,  Writing

    Just Checking In

    Where the heck is everybody? No emails, no phone calls. The holiday was last week!

    Well, we accomplished every single thing on my sabbatical to do list and then some. The armoire and old TV are gone. A new flat screen is in our living room awaiting the arrival of a new media table. The exposed brick wall is happily staring back at us.
    By week’s end I should be at my two-thirds mark for my first draft. As expected, the sucker wasn’t banged out. The holidays beckoned and the armoire took up more time than we hoped. But lots of writing was done and my extra one-third mark is on pace.
    The then some is my all my tax stuff is already prepared and a couple of closets cleaned. I love to procrastinate from writing by doing really productive things that make me feel like I’m not procrastinating at all.  It could be worse, I guess. I could procrastinate with Guitar Hero or marathons of “What Not to Wear” but how about I just sit down and write?


    Four pounds lighter and ready for the New Year!
  • All Blog Entries,  Comedy,  Family & Life,  Writing

    Sabbatical Update, Part II

    The Comix questions have subsided, though, I did end up going in on Friday after a day full of errands. I dropped off my holiday cards for my assistant to stamp and mail, took care of Greg Fitzsimmons’ and Patrice Oneal’s press itineraries, and answered some pressing emails.

    I got my passport renewed and dropped off my laptop which I’m picking up today. It had a virus on it which they eliminated before installing some protective firewall stuff and cleaned off all the unnecessary programs. All told, it cost $220. Pretty fair cost, in my opinion. I usually just buy a new version when I start to have trouble with my gadgets, so I’m pleased with myself for being frugal and taking care of what’s already mine.

    I only dropped off half the home videos I intended because the price I was quoted over the phone of $5 each, suddenly jumped to $20 each. Yikes! I left the longest recordings, mostly videos of plays I starred in years ago, the rest I can easily transfer to Mini DV here at home. I had just walked four avenues in an awful snow / sleet storm, was pouring down sweat and my feet were soaked and freezing due to the giant puddles on every corner. So when the guy told me the $15 price difference, I kind of had a melt down. It was funny watching him not know what to do or say to make me feel better. It wasn’t his fault, I told him, but I still wasn’t happy to have walked so far out of the way to HIS video store when there’s dozens more convenient places around the City. I knew that $5 price was too good to be true, but I had been quoted a similar price for a back room operation that runs out of a porn shop. I figured I’d go with the legit business and, well, it cost me.

    No takers on the armoire. How does anything get sold on Craig’s List? I keep hearing how easy it is but we didn’t get one single inquiry. It’s gorgeous and a bargain. I suppose we should wait till after the holidays. Or we can just hire some of the guys that loiter around Metropolitan Lumber looking for day labor to help us carry it down two flights so Salvation Army will pick it up. (S.A. will only pick up furniture two flights up or less.)

    I’ve gone to the gym three more times, so that’s six out of ten days I’ve put in a good work out. I’m down three pounds total. (There’s no goal number in mind, and I’m sure I’ll gain it back once I go back to work. I just find it interesting to see how conscious living / eating has such immediate results.) I indulged at a comedy industry party and had sugar and lots of wine, as expected. Other than that, I’ve stuck to no sugar and no alcohol. I’ve not eaten a lot of sugar since Christian lost his weight almost 3 years ago, so it hasn’t been hard, thankfully. I remember when we first “de-toxed” from sugar and it was maddening. Hard doesn’t define it. Sugar is evil.

    I’ve had a few days of non-writing thanks to the aforementioned errand running, Comix day and holiday party, but I’m still up 14,000 words. When I get home from today’s errands, I’ll pick up with Chapter Seven “You’re a Good Horse, Charlie Brown.” Now that I’m approaching chapters where the stories are ones I’ve told dozens of times and have much more impact on the story arc, I think the words will fly off my fingertips. We’ll see.

    Headed to Rockefeller Center again during the busiest season of the year. This laptop had better work for a long while!

  • All Blog Entries,  Family & Life,  Random,  Writing

    Sabbatical Update

    Holiday cards are done. I’m still stuck answering Comix questions and taking care of press for upcoming comedians, but I hope that doesn’t continue.

    Laptop is being taken in tomorrow for general cleaning and repair.  I was able to take care of lots of the glitches and annoyances once I devoted an hour or two to it, but I’d still like the pros to wipe off a bunch of the crap I don’t need.
    The armoire is cleaned and all its contents removed and sorted into sell, donate and keep piles. It’s on Craig’s List if you’d like to buy it: http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/fuo/960556791.html
    Home videos sorted and are being taken in for transferring to DVD. A lot faster and less of a hassle than me transferring them to mini-DV as I had started to do. Mini-DVs just don’t hold that much compared to a VHS tape.

    I’ve gone to the gym three days in a row, haven’t had any sugar or alcohol in a few days now so am down two pounds. I’m sure that will change once I hit the holiday parties. I scrubbed the skin off my office. I’ve been here for nearly four years and hadn’t given it a thorough washing. It sparkles.
    Christian bought me a beautiful floor-length mirror for Christmas. Unfortunately I figured it out when I was at our mailbox place and they showed me the package.  Eek. Oops. Oh, well. He assembled it and it’s in my freshly cleaned office looking dazzling.
    Um, what else?  Oh, yeah, I’ve managed to churn out 6,000 more words.  Not shabby but far from my goal.

    Speaking of…back to the keyboards!