The past few weeks I’ve been lax about going the the gym, opting instead for burgers & beer & friends. But today I went and ran a 10K in 68.52 minutes. It felt GREAT! I know it should be a priority for me but when work calls, running is the first thing that gets shoved to the side.And work has been running me ragged. One thing I’m excited about is further movement on the “Life’s Tough. Laugh More.” ad campaign I developed three years ago. It’s finally seeing more action than just the sole TV commercial that aired last year. (Click here to watch. I wrote, directed & appeared in it, but wish we had a 30 second spot instead of the 60 sec. spots Time Warner gave us). I was able to get an amazing deal on as at a PRIME location in the NYC subway system (the N/R/W stops at the corner of 49th & 7th Avenue) and in the mall at South Street Seaport. So I got photographer/designer guru Kirill to shoot some spots with Scott Ramsey (my BFF & Tex in the City partner) and Ophira Eisenberg. I have two more shoots up my sleeve but since we’ll have a FOUR month presence, I have some time to work those out. Facebook users can check out a few of the behind the scenes shots taken at the shoot here on our Fan Page. I can’t wait to see what hoodlum New Yorkers draw on their faces! HA!Then there’s the upcoming Food Network New York City Wine & Food Festival for which I am helping publicize. All the famous celeb chefs have sold out their shows, of course, so I’m working to help bring attention to Alicia Silverstone‘s demonstration. She is coming to Comix Oct 10th to showcase recipes from her first cookbook “The Kind Diet.” Tickets & info here: http://tinyurl.com/nt3kyuI’m still plugging away on my book (I’m in the midst of doing an annotated scene list so my editor can wrap his head around the whole thing), we had a road trip to Boston for a wedding, my mom is coming for a visit in October as is an old high school friend and Tex in the City is resuming its First Friday Roundups beginning September 4th. Phew! My head spins. Now you see why it’s so easy to beg off the gym. But man I do feel better, less stressed and happier when I’m at my fittest. I’m not 20 any more so it’s easy for fatigue and bad eating habits to show up on my face and butt.Sometimes I wish I could check myself into “rehab” so I’ll take care of myself. There’s got to be a better way!
I feel like I’m on a “This is Your Life” tour! Having a whirlwind week in Texas with Christian who’s here touring with his DVD “Au Contraire!” We hit Austin Monday, did radio there yesterday, then he performed at the Alamo Draft House. But not before we had a great dinner with some of my long lost high school friends and a Tex in the City pal. I’m seeing most of them again very soon when we return to Texas for my birfday. But the show was good, decent crowd for a Tuesday at a non-comedy venue. It’s actually a movie theater so the setting made for not ideal lighting and sound for comedy but it was great nonetheless.
Speaking of Tex in the City, this Friday is the last First Friday Roundup at Comix. We’re taking July and August off but we’ll resume in September. We’ve already raised loads of cash that will go towards helping Texas theater students come to NYC. More on that later but it’s a dream project of mine and Scott Ramsey‘s and how easily it came to be makes us know we’re doing the right thing. I love Scott so much and doing this with him has warmed the cockles of my heart.So, back to the tour. We were on The 950 radio this morning talking shop with Outlaw Dave. That was fun. Tonight we’re at the Improv where Christian will headline in front of a pretty large crowd, I think, which includes my mom and a bunch of friends from Ft. Worth (where I attended high school) and Montgomery where I grew up. Then we have to leave at 2:15 in the morning. IN THE MORNING!? To drive to Dallas for morning radio on KZPS 92.5. Oh, Christian pre-taped a segment for Dallas radio with a guy I graduated with. Will have to find the name of the show (some alternative rock show?) but while Christian was getting interviewed we all figured out the connection and now I’m Facebook friends with him. Fun.The Dallas show is the only dicey one on the tour. At 10:30 on a Thursday night it’s a tough spot and, on top of it, the club has a FREE show beforehand. Arrrgh. Hard to compete but hopefully there will be at least 30 people – that’ll make it fun and goofy. Some of those folks will be high school friends, too, but my camera is FULL. Bring cameras, pleeeease? All of us are meeting up for dinner beforehand so we’ll probably be giddy and tipsy.No time to visit Dad in the clink, unfortunately, but at least I’ll get some laughs with Mom tonight. Thanks to everyone who bought tickets and sent notes of support. Hope to see you soon somewhere out there.
My annual Academy Awards viewing party was better than ever. This year’s RSVPs totaled 450 with about 250 in attendance. My Tex in the City pal Scott Ramsey helped co-host the night (Christian was traveling this year) and designed these lovely centerpieces. Each table had different movie posters and celebrity images illuminated with candles. Cool, huh?
Special thanks to Brian Donnelly & Katie LaStoria for helping tally ballots and trivia. Thanks to everyone who came out and made the night a ton of fun and huge success. Until next year, happy movie watching.
Last night’s Tex in the City First Friday Roundup was the most attended event in Tex in the City history. We raked in over $1,000 in sales and that’s not including any raffle stuff. Photos and a write up to come. Pencil in March 6th from 6:30 – 9:00 for the next one. Be sure to RSVP as might need tight security check in. We’ll see.
Next up is my annual Academy Awards viewing party. This free event has also grown every year with last year’s attendance at about 250 people. Christian will be out of town this year so my Tex in the City partner Scott Ramsey will be co-hosting. Tomorrow, after Paquita films her scenes for Christian’s DVD extras, she and I will head over to Scott’s place in the Village to brainstorm menu and drink names. Last year I had fun with “There Will be Bloody Marys” and “No Cosmo for Old Men.” This year’s menu and nominees are tougher, but I still have a few funny ones, I think.
But back to tomorrow’s filming. I’m really excited for Paquita’s film debut. Her picture has been in the Onion before but that was just a pose. For her scene, she has to perform about five of the fifteen plus tricks she knows all while sitting in a 1970s mod chair as she’s “interviewed” by Christian who will be in costume. I’ll take some photos throughout the day and post some online as a sneak peak.Stage mom.
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 6th– FIRST FRIDAY ROUNDUP
Join us at the First Friday Roundup for FREE specialty cocktails, other cheap drink specials, $4 LONE STAR beer, delicious food at a discount. Bring your business cards and a smile as this is a great mixer, meet & greet opportunity.
6:30 – 9:00*
353 W 14th Street
New York, NY 10014
*Free cocktails available until 8:00. Space is limited. RSVP REQUIRED . We burst at the seams at the last event! RSVP to email@example.com
Join us for FREE Sunburns (tequila, triple sec & cranberry) cocktails and $4 Lone Stars this Friday!
There are other cheap drink specials, $4 Lone Star Beer while supplies last, and delicious food at a discount. Bring your business cards and a smile as this is a great mixer, meet & greet opportunity.
Discounted food and drinks available from 6:30 – 9:00.
FRI, DEC 5th – 6:00 – 10:00
353 W. 14th Street
Space is limited. RSVP REQUIRED . We burst at the seams at the last event! RSVP to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Tex in the City hosted another successful First Friday Roundup at Comix and raised $300 for a need Texas high school theater student!
Thanks to all who came out and enjoyed the FREE tequila and cheap Lone Star Beer we brought up from Texas for the party. Look for a roundup of the Roundup in Tex in the City’s Diaries.
No matter what the outcome of tomorrow’s historic election, Bush will definitely be gone. Sooooo….why not raise a chilled Lone Star Beer or a FREE drink to celebrate?
That’s right! We have five cases of some of Texas Tea coming up to the Big Apple and FREE Pearl Vodka cocktails to quench your thirst.
Join us at the First Friday Roundup for FREE cocktails courtesy of Pearl Vodka from 6:30 – 8:00.
There are other cheap drink specials & yummy *discounted* food. Bring your business cards and a smile as this is a great mixer, meet & greet opportunity.
FRI, NOV 7 from 6:30 – 9:00.
Comix’s Main Bar
353 W 14th Street
New York, NY 10014
Howdy, y’all! We’re expecting such a big crowd for the First Friday Roundup hosted by Tex in the City that I had to move it up into the main bar! Nice! From 6:30 – 8:00 we’ll be serving free Sauza Hernitos Pomegranate Margaritas & the famous Rope Burn shot created by Serena Bass (click here or on the photo for the recipe from Serena’s cook book). After 8:00, the Pom margaritas will only be $5!
There are other cheap drink specials, $4 draft beer, delicious food at a discount and down home hospitality will greet you at the door! We’ll sell raffle tickets for great prizes and the proceeds will go to a Texas theater student in need.
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 3RD — FIRST FRIDAY ROUNDUP
6:30 – 9:00
353 W 14th Street
If you haven’t RSVPd, please do so ASAP by emailing me at email@example.com
It’s been a whirlwind of work here and at least four new clients for me to promote and a hilarious new show to produce. In the midst of all that, I just accepted a kick arse PR gig that means I might need to hire a part time junior publicist to handle my Ballyhoo clients. How cool is that? My baby PR company is the little engine that could! Even if the job doesn’t work out, I will have a major notch added to the bedpost that is my resume.
In an extension of that blog post about the right path being easier and obstacles getting in one’s way when one is on the wrong path, Christian and I had a long conversation where we reflected on my last two and a half years.
When Tex in the City was formed in 2002, I pretty much devoted every waking minute to it. The problem was that it never paid me a salary and there was always some angst or obstacle surrounding any meeting or project. So in December ’03, Greg and I started tossing around ideas of how to start another company that focused on the work he and I were doing: PR and marketing with some event planning and production. We worked harder than anyone we knew and we complemented each other well on every project. Alas, he had a hot iron in the fire and wasn’t ready to commit to anything new until he got word. I couldn’t wait.
Tex in the City was officially relegated to hobby status, but I was determined that I would move forward with my experience in some form or fashion and Greg (and Scott, too!) was very supportive of this. Christian, bless his heart, listened to me brainstorm and reflect on every thought I had and helped guide and shape my ideas. In February 2004, Ballyhoo Promotions was born, just two months after Greg & I first discussed branching out.
In June of 2004, Greg’s iron paid off and he announced his move to DC so it seemed things really did work out in the end. Greg is wildly successful, Scott is now a full time actor landing yet another role and Ballyhoo Promotions never encountered any obstacles and quickly grew into my work from home, full time job.
The best part is that I still own Tex in the City and the website so can still have all of its best parts: a fantastic networking resource and promotional tool for me, Scott, Greg and my other Texan friends. Just yesterday I got a lovely email from someone in Texas who found me while searching for images of Gov. Ann Richards. He saw this picture and recognized me from when I was volunteering in animal rescue & recovery in NoLA after Katrina. Turns out he does lots of high profile work in NYC. Weird, small world.
Tex in the City was great fun and taught me a lot about working in entertainment in NYC and really showed me where my best talents lie. So all those hours invested for no monetary return really proved useful. There’s really no point to this post, just that I have been reflecting a lot over the last year that I have been working from home. I am really thankful for those early years of trying to run a production company and honoring the obstacles that crept in because those obstacles are what made me go in a different direction more suited to me.
Interestingly, in the first days of Tex in the City, the path was very clear –many serendipitous events happened– and I knew it was something good. So when the roadblocks did happen later, they were glaringly obvious. I was determined to keep working on something. I needed to. I had to. I was lucky to be dating a comic around the time I saw that business not living up to its potential. It showed me an opportunity with a focus on comedy. And though I’m still on this path and don’t know where it will lead, it seems like I’m headed in the right direction. Knock on wood.
Lemons into lemonade, as they say.
I and a few of my Tex in the City friends are getting a team together to “change the course of an epidemic” by walking 6.2 miles through Manhattan for the annual AIDS Walk New York. We had a lot of fun the last time we did it and managed to raise a decent sum of money, so we figured what the heck…let’s do it again! So Gawker Stalker, on May 21st you can find me somewhere in or near Central Park.
Even Paquita took part and she will lead us again this year when I walk in memory of my uncle Darold Carnes and surrogate dad George Zein, Jr. (both of whom are listed on this Deaf Lost to HIV/AIDS site) and family friend Lisa Hillard. May they rest in peace and may a cure be found.
Last year we capped off the walking by drinking wine at an outdoor cafe and resting our tootsies. Paquita was too zonked to even beg for food! I wonder if she dreamt of meeting John Spencer?
Want to join in on the fun? Fill out this form and show up with your walking shoes.
You’ll get a free t-shirt and some exercise, too.
Since I’ve been working on a re-design of my website (as I hinted at during my funk the last two months), I’ve been too busy to write anything interesting. Instead I’ll just bullet point some things:
(1) The 4: Your Consideration Art Series event was well-attended considering the time of year. We had about the same size crowd as the first one, but this time, everyone who attended received two free tickets to see 42nd Street on January 22nd. Nice. The Belt Theatre is a neat space and the people there are top notch.
(2) Addicted, Mark Lundholm‘s one man show, was great. Greater still were the free tickets and being able to spread the wealth to all my friends. I’m still in love with the Zipper Theatre. I would love to put on a big show there. One day, one day.
(3) Somebody should take my credit card away.
(4) I’m in the midst of another little home improvement project. I am high from staining a drop leaf table and waiting for it to dry before I polyurethane it. Christian is on his way over to help me mount it to the wall before we eat dinner and watch the Survivor finale. It will be so nice to have a table on which to eat. Now I just need some placemats and napkins and a hanging light and . . . see #3 above.
(5) I was in Williamsburg for Cofounder’s fundraiser and became very annoyed by two grungy little hippie types. They were dancing big and drawing undeserved attention to themselves and they smelled like shit. I wanted to tell them, “You know what? You’re not making a statement, you just stink and look like an asshole.” Everyone else there was great and the music of The Izzys and Dufus was terrific. I would see the former again definitely and the latter if they ditched their smelly, megalomaniac of a keyboardist.
(6) If you’re ever in the Garmet District or go to Madison Square Garden for anything and need a quiet, quaint little restaurant, I highly recommend Napoli Trattoria. There doesn’t seem to be much info on the web about this little place, so their secret isn’t out. It’s extremely affordable and the service was very attentive without being annoying. Their cuisine is listed as “pizza”, but it has a full italian menu.
Okay, time to hang up that table.
Busy, busy beaver.
After the reading (see post below), we filtered out into the lobby where I ran into a few of Christian’s friends. As I was introducing everyone to everyone, I caught a chick pointing me out to her friend who subsequently looked me up and down in that way that women do. I caught their stares mid point-n-chat which caused the chick to look away quickly and drop her hand as though she’d just been caught masturbating. People still do that? Point and stare? With the exception of gawking at dwarves, I thought that trend died out along with Rubik’s Cubes and Atari. It was something you did as a kid, but quickly grew tired of.
The thing is, I was actually introduced to this chick at Christian’s final Portable Comedy show. She could have eased her embarrassment by a quick wave and smile as if to say, “I remember you and I’m telling my friend who you are.” Her actual reaction made it clear to me that she wasn’t being friendly. If only I weren’t so diplomatic, I would have scooped her eyes out with spoon and sawed her finger off with an emery board. Then she wouldn’t stare and point any more. The end.
My Oprahesque Light Bulb Moment
I was also in a rush to get to the next item on my agenda, so there was no time for mutilation bent on correcting someone’s social ignorance. I caught the 10:00pm show of Hopscotch: The New York Sex Comedy and then did some Tex in the City business with the author, Wendy Williams. During our conversation she asked what rate of success we have had with our press releases. It was then, right then and there, that I realized what a success we have been in such a short time and small amount of part-time work. We’ve been written up in Liz Smith’s column, the New York Times, The NY Sun, New York Magazine, the Ft. Worth Star Telegram and much, much more. Imagine if I could channel all my energy and resources into my own company rather than some Rockefeller Center law firm.
I’m going about this all the wrong way. I need to revert my website back to what it was (an online resume) and put this blog thing on a different page. Now, what do I call my sole proprietorship which will be geared toward marketing and PR and what should my logo be?
Mystic River was okay. I hate it when I have the whole “mystery” figured out before I’ve finished eating my vat of buttery flavored topping. BUT, it was free and there were some memorable performances. Next up, Elf.
Attn: Liz Smith; Re: Will Work For Free
Before the movie, I dropped off an extra gift bag from the Ann Richards book launch party and a Tex in the City press kit for Liz Smith at the NY Post. I bet she loved it so much that she fondled the gifts ’til her tiny little fingerprints wore off. And my note? Well, it was so lovely, I bet she read it ’til the creases wore clean through. And me? Well, she was so impressed by my gesture and our press kit, I bet she repeated my name over and over ’til she lost her voice. I’m expecting an email any minute asking me to be her protege. Refresh, refresh, refresh. I’m serious, she is going to contact me. In honor of Liz’s book, Natural Blonde: A Memoir, I went to the salon and got “naturally” blonde with slight bangs. Perhaps I’ll snap a photo tonight.
Blonde and definitely having more fun.
So 42nd Street is just what one would expect of a grand scale, old school musical (Here, 1980 is defined as “old school”, further memorialized by this photo of the marquee from the original production). It was strange for a moment how un-special the whole thing was. Here I was, sitting in the producer’s seats for free for no real reason other than I am from Texas and so is she and all these people around me were buzzing with excitement and buying the glossy programs and talking about life back in Akron or from wherever they came. I used to travel from Ohio with friends and jam pack two weeks’ worth of sightseeing and theater into a four day weekend and drop a load of cash. It was an event. Now, it was just some random Thursday in November. I may not be rich, but perhaps I am spoiled. I’m a naughty, naughty girl. I deserve a spanking. So naughty, me.
The next time I travel could someone please remind me to pack one of those magical suitcases that are inevitably present in every musical about some naive “kid” coming to New York to “make it”. They seem to be forever featherweight depsite someone’s entire existence being stuffed inside its confines. I need me one of those fancy things. Really I do. If I were in the show, I would be so tempted to stuff bricks in the prop suitcases one night just to add realism. Oh the hilarity that would ensue when the actors would actually have to lift a suitcase as though it were full.
Naughty method actor.
This month has been the strangest. Simultaneously full of disappointing let-downs and stagnant non-creativity, I’ve been productive and lazy and frustrated and motivated. I’ve repaired certain things in my apartment while letting my tub still be persistently clogged. I gave up on a September Tex in the City event while fostering others. I’ve lost interest in writing and yet continue to post on this thing and write in my personal journal. The boring list goes on and on. I am completely uninspired by anything right now. I can’t imagine how it is that I began Pilates a week ago yesterday and have done it every day since. I feel like I breathe easier. I take in more oxygen and it feels cleaner. Is this expected of those who partake in Pilates or is this September air? Strange thing this . . . how you say . . . exercise. Could this new amount of oxygen be depleting the angst that drives my creativity bus? Not that I need high drama, but peace and tranquility is dull. I require activities; projects and events.
Meanwhile, while trying to replace my Palm on Ebay, I’ve won fancy schmancy Scrabble and Monopoly games. I have yet to bid on a Palm. This Ebay is the devil. Stay tuned to see if I win a leather chair, stainless steel trash can, cashmere/silk v-neck sweater and an alarm clock that wipes my ass, nose, mouth and belly (it is very hi-tech).
So I came up with clever idea to do a live reading of a relatively new and up and coming comedy magazine including multi-media visuals and such. The idea was so great, they’re going to do it! Yeah! Without me. Boo! Yep, they took my idea and ran with it. Literally. Now, forseeably, we (Tex in the City) could still do this live reading idea I came up with, but are we second best? I hardly think so. Just ask Governor Ann Richards.
We don’t hop on the bandwagon, we give it wheels.™
Then someone stole Jack’s Palm Pilot in its leather case by Coach right out of my bag. Why was it in my bag? Because Jack was loaning it to me till I bought a replacement for my broken one. So, now, I need TWO Palm Vx’s and a leather Coach case. Anyone looking to sell theirs?
Last night’s Portable Comedy was quite possibly the best one ever. Jon Fisch stole the show. I’m going back in two weeks, so join me and Tex in the City on Friday, September 26th for another fun night of laughs and free vodka. Mention Tex in the City and get in for $5.00 rather than $7.00.
I never get hateful or vindictive on this site about anyone I know personally. First of all, I just am not a hateful person (unless you are under 4 feet tall chasing me through a store asking, “Do he bite?”) and find negative energy to be useless, futile and, more importantly, contagious. You reap what you sow, you get what you give, what comes around goes around, blah, blah, blah.
Mainly, though, I generally just dig everyone. In fact, I find something to love about most everyone so easily, that Christian has queried, “What makes someone special?” We, of course, were talking in the romantic sense and my answer I will save for another day called “Never”.
Instead, let me go against the grain. Why not? I’m really annoyed that I’m now too chicken to go up on my rooftop ever again (even for an innocuous dinner) and that my Super knows too much about the placement of my various freckles, so let me spew my anger on you.
As you know, I threw a party. (No, I won’t talk about it ad nauseum anymore, so ” Silent Friend” of the comment box; just relax your anal glands lest you pop when I poke you with my index finger.) Well, it took six months of planning and hard work and we were all very excited about it. I, naturally, wanted my mother there to share in the fun, especially since Meredith and Greg had their families there and Scott, at the time, was expecting his to be in attendance. She said she couldn’t afford it and didn’t have the time. Okay, understood. Hopefully there will be another, more exciting event that she can make.
Well, what is it? Ten days later? Guess who just left for a two week trip from Texas to Florida then Niagara Falls with a possible stop in NYC to see me? Um, yeah, my mom. The same woman who hasn’t even asked me how the party went even after I emailed her and left several voice mails.
She did call, however, to find out the price of diesel fuel. Wha? About ten minutes of listening to how she was going to be traveling all over the country over two weeks in a travel trailer and also has another trip planned to Washington (the really far away state, not the city), she finally asks if anything is going on with me. Hmm, I just threw a party for the Governor of Texas, but, no, not much is happening really. Same old, same old. Thanks for asking. If my party wore diapers and sh*t itself she would’ve tripped over her ovaries to get here and clean baby bottom, because, as you know, mopping up infant feces is validating.
So now you see why I’m bursting with excitement to tell all you anonymous folks about my mini-successes ? Because no one genetically connected to me even gives a rat’s ass. They’re all old-school deaf people (i.e., don’t read hearing people stuff), in jail, on medication or otherwise too poor and “busy” in the suburbs watching television, mowing lawns in criss-cross patterns and tending to the cows. So you, Silent Friend, you are the best thing to ever happen to me, and I can’t seem to please you, either.
So . . .
this is Kambri Crews, signing off. The pleasure, it seems, has been all mine.
I have no other things on my mind as of late other than Tex in the City, Ann Richards, I’m Not Slowing Down and all the press that has been surfacing. I fielded a few phones calls and inquiries today from various publications and wished that this production company of ours could pay my rent. The “work” just doesn’t feel like “work”. It feels right and it feels good. If only real life would stop creeping in (like Jack hounding me from his Hampton home for things like Viagra prescriptions), then I would totally stop drinking and popping valium and concentrate on nothing other than parties and plays and socializing. Seriously this balancing work and “home” is just too much!
Ann Richards during her speech: “Down in Texas, the gas prices have gotten so bad, wives have to form carpools to run over their husbands.”
“I’m Not Slowing Down until they put a picture of me on a Smucker’s jar and Willard Scott reads my name on the air.”
Jack to Ann Richards, reformed alcoholic: “Hey lady, move out of the way, some people are trying to get a drink.”
When walking home from work, I do not recommend these shoes.
Unlike the four hour, scary and lonely walk across the 59th Street Bridge on 9/11/01, it took me a mere hour to get home from Midtown and was shared with a friend from work. Quite a different adventure.
Christian and I bumped into each other in Astoria and decided to hang out on a rooftop where it was surprisingly cool. We enjoyed a candlelight dinner of pasta and wine, played cards, and talked of the stars and passing planes and laughed too hard about something silly. In other words, it was just like any other night we share together . . . only hotter.
So when people talk of yesterday it will forever be:
the day Tex in the City made the NY Times for the first time;
the day some guy knocked his head hard into the wooden security sensor at Barnes & Noble trying to check me out;
the day a NY Times fact checker wrote me regarding an item referencing Tex in the City in this Sunday’s edition of the NY Times. (Yeah, the edition that the whole world reads!);
the day of the Blackout of ’03.
We made history!
Check out Tina Louise at our party. Oh, and Maurice DuBoise with Alina Cho. Howzabout Puff Daddy’s Mama, Janice Combs, and how can I forget the lovely and sassy Ms. Ann Richards. Of course she was a gracious guest of honor and thanked Tex in the City (as an LLC and as individuals) in a nice little speech. She also spent some alone time with us in a private room after the party — just the four of us with the best lady ever. She’s so cool. The gift bags were a hit and as Chris Smith of the NY Times told me it was one of the best book parties he’d ever been to because it wasn’t full of pretentious haute monde. Yes, we are friendly and welcoming. It’s a curse.
By the way, it was 10 years ago today that I quit smoking. I haven’t had a single puff since. Yay me!
One year ago (August 6, 2002, to be exact), I completed the legal research and documentation to apply for a trademark with the United States Patent and Trademark Office for the Tex in the City logo. On August 5, 2003, the registration request went unopposed (thank you, HBO and the great State of Texas, et al.).
So now, our little ™ is a ®. My, how fast they grow!
If you are easily repulsed or offended by half naked muscular figures, do not – I repeat – DO NOT click here! (You readers who are supposed to be working right now, it’s safe to open).
Last night I sat reeeeeaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyy close (I could have licked the third base umpire on the face if I felt so inclined) to the Visitor’s dugout in Yankee Stadium and watched Roger Clemens whoop the tar out of the Texas Rangers. Put a Texan in New York and just watch that Southern hospitality melt away faster than a jackrabbit running from a twister! The nerve! View the pics.
Miss Universe (not the one with the tiara, the one with real duties like dealing with my cosmic destiny) was kind enough to hold back the ominous impending thunderstorm and provide me with nine full innings complete with five homeruns and lots of foul balls that I totally could have caught if only I weren’t wearing a skirt. Otherwise, I definitely would have lunged over seats and knocked over any slow moving child or senior citizen that got in the way of my scoring one of those puppies. See what I mean about that lost Southern hospitality? I’d better take a trip back home and fast!
A big Texas-sized thanks to Keith for the free tickets and lovely company.
Guess what I saw in today’s NY Post during the many, many hours of reading many, many newspapers and books?
(Scroll down till you see a photo of the lovely former Texas Gov. Ann Richards and read the accompanying piece.)
Why, yes, that is another Tex in the City reference in Ms. Smith’s column. Thank you, Liz, and I hope to see you there on the 12th!
That’s me. I have no idea why. I started out the day just fine and then, I don’t know, maybe it was the chilly temperature in mid-May, or perhaps the constant drizzle that is not thwarted by an umbrella because it is everywhere the wind takes it. Or, it could have been the throngs of tourists gathered to see Ricky Martin perform (very poorly) outside of my office thereby blocking my way and forcing me into a puddle. Or, maybe it was having too much work and too little time to be bothered by Movable Type completely fritzing out on me. Golly gee fucking willakers, I just don’t know why I’m so annoyed. Let’s see how tomorrow is, when the drizzle stops, and I get to see a free movie* with Christian.
In other news, Kayla Solomon was chosen to be the featured playwright for the inaugural 4: Your Consideration Art Series. Why her? She submitted three nice pieces that will mesh well with our mission of integrating social interaction with art; and, welll, you didn’t submit anything, did you?*That’s supposed to link to Christian’s May 13, 2003, entry, in case you’re interested.
After walking about three out of our ulimately 10 miles behind several thousand people yesterday, I asked Keith, “So who’s in the lead and do they know where they’re going? Seriously, what if they can’t read a map?” That would have been interesting, forty-thousand people making a wrong turn.
Out of all those people walking for the cure, I ran into my neighbor Steve; his large, horny-for-Paquita German Shepherd named Turbo; and a coworker who wasn’t walking, but saw our signs and ran over to say hello. Funny things, Timing and Chance. I walked in memory of my Deaf family lost to AIDS: Darold, George and Lisa. May you rest in peace and may a cure be found.
What an incredible day. I absolutely get off on giving people things. Really, I do. Free tickets are, of course, extra special. But I get off on giving people homemade shrinky dink key chains, Stoli pens and cards, nights out on the town and things like that.
Then, all in one day, I got free breakfast, free lunch, free after-work drinks and free dinner. AND, to top it off, free Yankees tickets. Damn. Give and you shall receive.
My drink companion tonight is the president of a certain television network. When asked how his job / business is doing, he said, “Since I was hired, we’ve had 9/11, two wars and a recession. Things are looking up.” Let’s hope he’s right.
Damn, we are one fine bunch. Check us out. (I’m the one in pink satin and lace.) Broadway and Off-Broadway producers, accomplished playwrights, publicists, designers and many artists, actors, musicians and other fabulous friends were there. Join us next time, won’t you?
I took seven friends to see Urban Cowboy for *FREE* today. (Have I mentioned how I love being a producer?) Afterwords I was interviewed by Fox TV for my humble opinion. They asked if the show captured a Texan feel. My response was a non-committal, lackluster “Yeah,” before I retorted, “But, my trailer was cleaner!”
Two more are seeing it tomorrow without me. I can’t wait for their review, since I got into a slight verbal spar with one of them about how when she thinks of Texas she thinks of a black man getting drug by chains behind a pick-up truck. Need I remind her of Abner Louima? Should she as a New Yorker take responsiblity of the actions of other New Yorkers? Of course not. I insist on reciprocity or I’ll shoot her with my rifle once I pry it off my gun rack.
The day after another hugely successful Tex in the City event, I just want to grab random people on the street and hug them and kiss them and dry hump them. I walk with a bounce, but not one of those bounces that makes my pony tail swing back and forth. No, I hate that and want to rip those offending pony tails out by their bloody roots and get them DNA-tested for the “You Annoy the Hell Out of Me” gene so we can prevent these gene carriers from reproducing.
But I walk with a jaunty spring in my step. I smile and bite my lower lip and don’t stop when I know I’ve been caught by a passer by. I laugh out loud and sing stupid songs with the lyrics all wrong and say “Mornin’ fellas!” to construction workers and policemen. And if a guy makes a lewd comment about my Pa-Dunk-a-Dunk trunk, I say, “Thanks!” I flash my big Texas smile and the sun reflects off my left canine tooth and goes, “Trrrlllink”.
I love my friends. That means you and you and I even love my Amish ones that don’t blog like Heidi and Scott and Sheila. And I love the new friends I’ve made like Ken and Keith. Even though it’s too early to say “I love you,” I’m going to say it anyway and you don’t even have to say it back because I feel that good, and I don’t need silly affirmations to know that you love me too even though you’re too afraid to admit it you big old scaredy cat.
Oh sure, the *FREE* producer’s seats for last night’s production of Urinetown the Musical and my *FREE* dinner courtesy of the managers at Dallas BBQ were great, but seeing our friend Charlie Pollock give an outstanding performance and then be such a gracious, courteous Southern Boy to all of our Tex in the City guests, well, I just want to wrap myself in saran wrap and slide down a Slip ‘N Slide with baby oil all over me because that just sounds so outrageously fun the way my insides feel. Come on, let’s do it!
On the way to lunch Jack asked, “Do you need a jacket, or, say, a bra?”
Yes, Spring has arrived and the folks here in Rockefeller Center think that it needs to be –30 degrees in the office so we worker bees don’t nod off at our desks after a big lunch. My nipples (Eek! I said “nipples”!) are like diamonds. They could cut glass. Glass, I tell ya! All the women of New York look so scandalous. Sluts.*
Hey, speaking of sluts, Sex and the City was filming in front of Saks today. So, while I waited for Greg to arrive for our Tex in the City production meeting, I watched from the comfort of my conference room the elaborate orchestration unfold as Sarah Jessica Parker & Kim Cattrall did a few takes. All I have to say is, “I could do that . . . cheaper.” The final season premieres on my birthday. I think I’ll throw a party. Wanna come?
Hey, speaking of Tex in the City, the producers of Urinetown the Musical have agreed to cross promote our new 4: Your Consideration Art Series. The official launch is May 8th and you, gentle reader, are invited to join us. Go to Dallas BBQ for pre-theater dinner and drinks at 50% off (!), see the musical for $60 (!), then stick around to join our friend Charlie Pollock in a “talk back” at the theater. Ask him questions, get his autograph, whatever, just be there or be square. If you can’t make it May 8th, the discount code is good through July 6th (excluding Saturday night performances), so don’t miss this Tony Award winning show. Got it? Good! Email me with any questions or visit www.texinthecity.com for more information.
*Excluding me and the bag lady on 57th & 7th. Thankyouverymuch.
My trip to Hong Kong was canceled, so the Rolling Stones and the Rugby Sevens will have to come to me. Somehow, in addition to royal disappointment in an effort to avoid SARS, I still managed to get sick. So, I stayed home today and spent my time making a little surprise gift for my Tex in the City partners. I turned shrinky dink paper into key chains with our logo and website. It seems baking is contagious, too. Where will the Martha Stewart madness stop?!
— Vodka gimlets and strange coincidences.
— Leather seats warmed by the spring sun.
— Submitting the winning Oscar ballot…again.
— Guacamole with Sheila an hour before she flew to Hong Kong and having her leave me a 10 minute tipsy voice mail minutes later from the airport describing every person in the room.
— Special invitation and free tickets (Thanks Mr. Producer!) to Betty Rules and the “after party” with said Mr. Producer and the rockin’ cast.
— The author of a best selling children’s book wanting to submit the stage version to the 4: Your Consideration Art Series.
— Our Oscar party and dressing up in black & white pinstripe sequin pants that made my ass look (and feel) Dyn-O-Mite.
— Hours and hours of diligent work on a special gift for a special boy’s upcoming 30th birthday.
— Watching Paquita try to decide whether to play with her ball or stolen panties.
So tonight is a big shindig at Billy Bob’s in Ft. Worth, Texas and I can’t be there but my partners will be. This is a 180 degree turn of the universe since they went to New York annually during high school and I couldn’t go because (a) I had no money (b) I always had to work in order to make money to have lunch money and buy my own school clothes. They would come back with soundtracks and sweatshirts from hot new Broadway shows like “Starlight Express” and “Les Miserables”. I would soak in every minute of every story they shared trying to re-live it as though I had been included. I hope this makes you feel sorry for me, because that’s solely my intent.
I do hope they have as much fun as we did on the 18th and take lots of pictures and laugh so hard their faces hurt. I gave Scott specific instructions on what to say:
From: Kambri Crews [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Sunday, December 22, 2002 10:00 AM
Subject: RE: dec 18th
Thanks and have FUN at Billy Bob’s! It should be a blast. If anyone asks about me, which is highly unlikely, tell them I’m a filthy rich supermodel and have a PhD in Forensic Entomology and donate time and money to animal shelters and needy children in Africa and women in the Middle East…just don’t tell them I’m really selfish and don’t give any money to anything let alone gifts and time to children. But it is true, I AM a supermodel.
During my morning commute I see the same caucasian male, late 30’s, dark hair, full beard who wears a black leather jacket in Winter. He looks like a Bill. I see Bill every morning, Monday through Friday. I’ve never seen Bill before I swipe my MetroCard; I first spot him on the subway platform. We board the train at Broadway and usually ride in the same car. We get off at 49th. We exit the same stairwell. We walk a block in the same direction before finally losing each other. In two years, although we’ve brushed shoulders once or twice, we’ve never said a word to one another. Never. We’ve never even made eye contact. But there he is and I know he knows I’m there, too.
Yesterday, I went to Origins and used my 15% Tex in the City discount. I told Jill I wanted something to jazz up my dull skin. Of course, I know if I drank water and ate healthy I wouldn’t need herbs crushed in a jar to make my skin look better. Instead I choose to inhale my meals that consist of things like last night’s dinner of an entire canister of Pringles Salt & Vinegar crisps and 16 ounces of Nestle’s Nesquick Chocolate Milk. Since I can’t stop eating like a poor college kid or starving artist, I’ll pay the price Origins or any other store wants to charge to help me feel as though I’m at least trying to do something to preserve my body since I never go to the doctor and don’t brush my teeth before bedtime.
So $100 later and I’m happy with my purchases but feeling frustrated. I’m alone in the City and don’t have my cell phone and just…I don’t know. So I say, “Screw it,” and head back home. After waiting too long on the platform, and letting an “R” go on without me hoping an “N” or “W” wouldn’t be just as long, a “W” finally pulls up heading from downtown towards home. I step up to the doors, they slide open and there he is: Bill.
He stopped in his tracks a moment and his eyes grew wide and my mouth fell open. He got off and I got on and still we didn’t say a word. I love New York.
For Women: When a woman you know, instead of saying hello, looks you up and down and then acts as though you aren’t there, you know you’re looking good.
A Tex in the City reveler sidled up to me at Serena and said this to me in a slight slur and with a decidedly Jersey accent: “I mean, woah, look at you. Your thighs are beautiful. Your ass is beautiful. You breasts are beautiful. Your lips are beautiful. And your eyes, man! Your eyes are wonderful. But I’m not hitting on you.”
I have a sneaking suspicion he was lying because my thighs suck.
Plez Morgan was one of the best teachers I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Taking his advanced algebra course in 7th grade, he taught me much more than theorems. One afternoon when my pre-pubescent-Weiner’s- jeans-wearing-twelve-year-old-self sat contemplating Pascal and Fermat, Mr. Morgan managed to scrawl the hidden meaning of “assume” on the chalkboard and then read it aloud.
“Assume: To assume makes an ‘ASS’ out of ‘U’ and ‘ME.’
What I was probably thinking:
(1) Holy shit he said “ass” in class.
(2) Oh, he’s serious. I’d better pay attention and pretend to be mature enough to handle this. This ain’t no remedial math; I be advanced.
(3) Hmmm…that makes sense. I wonder if Webster was thinking that when he made it up.
(4) My jeans suck.
(5) I wish Mork and Mindy never ended. I knew it was over when Jonathan Winters was their baby. Rule of sitcom: Anytime characters start popping out kids, the end is near. Just because the “kid” is some geriatric comedian doesn’t mean this rule doesn’t apply.
Years later, I know Mr. Morgan taught me a piece of logic more often used than any equation. I aslo know no matter how much an attorney bills per hour, sometimes logic fails them.
Celebrate Good Times, Come On!
In case I haven’t made it clear to anyone, you’re all invited to Serena tomorrow night for Tex in the City’s Holiday Celebration. The party starts at 6:00, ends at 9:00 and is *free* to get in. We’ll have lots of non-traditional music spun by DJ Sam Shaffer, our own carolers, special gifts and lots of food and drink specials. I hope to see you there!
I’m not ashamed to admit that I went to bed last night hopeful that the transit workers would go on strike, but only for one day. Just one day is all I wanted. Sure it would have meant getting up at 6:00 rather than 7:45, but it would have also have meant a private car from my apartment to work shared with two other riders and a driver, of course. This would have meant having a trunk to cart my 25 pound (at least) bundle of Tex in the City goodies rather than humping the load as though I were a sherpa. I am not a sherpa nor a pack mule, but a skinny girl in high heels walking way too far and sweating way too much to be considered chic. Especially when my hat kept falling into my eyes. I raised my chin high to see under the brim and huffed and puffed till I made it into the office. Now watch, they’ll go on strike tonight instead and really tick me off.
Only in New York Quote of the Day:
Him to His Balding Partner: You have about as much talent as you have hair.
So I just hung up from a phone interview with the Ft. Worth Star Telegram. I don’t want to count chickens before they hatch, but it seems our Tex in the City story might be featured in an article in the coming weeks. Yippie Kai Yay! I have no idea if that’s how to spell “yippie kai yay” or why that’s even a phrase in my vocabulary. The reporter is a true gem and was able to make me admit what an 80s chick I was with the big hair and such. She might use photos from our yearbook. Eeek! Ms. Reporter, please see my August 18th and October 5th entries and have pity on a young entrepreneur.
O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum, Wie treu sind deine Blätter.
The Tree is in place. Work will not be the same until January 7, 2003. Wish me luck.
Those moments when you “bump” into someone take so many random choices of the universe working in such a way that your path will inevitibly cross with someone else’s. It’s mind boggling really. Yesterday on the way to Serena to settle our party business and plan for next month’s Holiday Bash, I boarded the 1/9 heading downtown.
One stop later I heard a familiar voice say, “Nuh uh!”
“Oh my God, Greg Gorman!” I replied disbelievingly.
It is not so strange to think we could have run into each other. We were, after all, heading towards the same place. However, when looking at all the factors that had to have been “just so” in order for this to happen, it blows me away. I left work at the moment I did in order to board that specific train. Not only did I get on that train, but I entered the same car that Greg did and was in the same section of that car. What are the chances? You would think they were slim to none, but not in New York. Here, it happens ALL the time. Crazy!
I took Paquita to Greg’s place so he and I could have a work session and she and Mona could have a play date. Mona is the cutest Yorkshire Terrier that belongs to Greg’s friend Robert and is the exact same size as Paquita. To watch those two relating to each other for the first time, then finally relaxing enough to enjoy each other was really cute. I taught Greg Dreamweaver and we both learned how to make a shopping cart on www.texinthecity.com for cabaret ticket purchases. I’m so proud of the work we did till 1:00 in the morning! All this while the dogs ran each other ragged. I realized how horny Paquita really is. All she wanted was to be boarded. She kept scooting her butt into position for Mona, but Mona wanted none of that. I do the same thing. I wonder if she learned by watching me? How embarrassing. :-)~
I’ll give you three guesses where my boss had drinks tonight. He went with two friends that actually invited li’l old me. I couldn’t go, though, since the Cabaret is only two weeks away and there are things to do, places to go, people to see! Have you purchased your advance tickets yet? Did I tell you Andra Mitrovich is the featured performer?
Ancient Chinese Secret, Huh?
“A light heart carries you through all the hard times.” Oh Confucious, you wise old devil. So good of you to point it out. How did you know? By the way, thanks for letting me know that my lucky numbers are 3, 7, 17, 37, 41, 45. Wise indeed.
I’m #1, I’m #1!
As I was leaving work yesterday, a middle-aged, heavy guy wearing headphones pointed at me and said, “YOU are the one!”
After a Tex in the City staged reading, I left the room for a bathroom break and returned to discover the conversation was about how serious Will & Grace has become as of late. Greg insisted, “It’s a sitcom!” I don’t watch the show, but I empathized with the angst by chiming in, “It’s like when little Arnold Drummond was molested, you knew things were downhill from there.”
Indeed, midway through the 5th season, the writers of Different Strokes decided this might be funny:
The Bicycle Man (Part 1) (02/05/83 – #516)
Unaware that he’s being lured into the carefully crafted trap of a child molester, Arnold eagerly agrees to perform a simple task in return for an overly generous reward from a “friendly” neighborhood merchant.
The Bicycle Man (Part 2) (02/12/83 – #517)
Arnold and Dudley’s “friendship” with a local merchant reaches a dangerous turning point when, unbeknownst to the boys, the man, who is actually a child molester, is about to make his move.What we have here, is a failure to communicate!
Before the reading I was talking about Texans and Texan musicians living in NY with “Lisa”. This is a brief outline of our exchange:
Lisa: Do you know Charlie? He’s a singer.
Me: Does he have a Texas tattoo?
Lisa: Hmmm no, don’t think so…Charlie Smith?
Me: Dunno his last name, but he’s a singer named Charlie, has Texas tattoo and is married to a pretty blonde girl.
Lisa: Is his name Bruce?
Me: Uhhh…No. Charlie?
Then a few moments later the conversation segued into this summarized chat:
Lisa: We got married in Vegas.
Me: Oh, in a chapel or casino?
Me: Marc’s best friend lives there.
Lisa: In Texas?
Me: Uhhh…No. Vegas?
I must learn to communicate better.
Saturday was a lovely day and Scott’s birthday. Had it not been for his Lo-Tea gathering at Alphabet Kitchen on the Lower East Side, I would have surely stayed cooped up in my apartment nursing my slightly aching muscles from Friday night’s wipe out on the slick pavement as my flimsy excuse. Thankfully, his *ahem* 28th gave me reason to venture out and enjoy the weather as well as acquaint myself with the most adorable outdoor patio. I highly recommend this restaurant for sangria, tapas and great service, but their patio is just the best. After our meal, we all gathered on the sidewalk where the last of the street fairs was closing down shop. That’s when a gust of wind blew into a tarp and made a sail out of what had been the roof of a vendor’s booth. This giant steel and plastic contraption was aimed right at our impromtu gathering. From this, I learned Ehren shrieks just like a girl and Asians talk and move really, really fast when they’ve almost seriously injured someone and need to remove all evidence.
This trek also meant my inaugural trip on the “L” train. When taking a subway line for the first time, I suddenly feel like a tourist all over again. A really dull, drab, dorky tourist. Granted when going to the L.E.S. I will always seem very white-bred no matter how I’m dressed. I mean come on, that part of the City smells like patchouli 24/7! Try as I might, I will never look cool down there.
On the way to the Tex in the City party last night, I was in a rush and anxious to get to Serena as it was drizzling and humid and I had plenty of pre-party business awaiting my arrival. Umbrella in one hand and cell phone in the other, I was the classic picture of a New York entrepreneur. Then, woosh! Down I went. “SHIT!” I screamed without even thinking. My right hand, still clutching my cell phone, landed in a potted plant filled with damp, fresh soil. It’s what saved me from real disaster. Instantly I hopped up, unfazed, dusted off my phone and resumed talking, “You there? Sorry, just fell. Anyway, I’m on my to Serena…”It wasn’t until I recounted the story later that I thought how ridiculous I must have looked to the dozen or so witnesses to my spill. They all looked quite concerned for my well-being, but I couldn’t be bothered or slowed down in the least. ‘Tis just a flesh wound!Just where was I going in such a hurry? To a party, of course!
Tequila was free flowing from 6:00-7:00, so the crowd came early. These three party guests (left) live in Austin and were here in NYC for a long weekend. They heard about our party and came to check it out. Excellent! Jason promised me some CDs compiled with all Texas music and even taught me how to two-step. For the record: I’m the world’s worst dancer. Oh, I can shake my groove thang alright, but when it comes to having a partner and moving in step with another human, well, that human had better be wearing some steel-toed boots.
Prior to my dance with Jason, I had only one two-stepping experience to reference.
Flashback to 1987 when I was a 15 year old sophomore dating football player and senior, Brad Booth. As my escort to the annual football banquet, Brad gave me the first and only corsage ever which I still possess. Dead, dried, petrified, pressed between two pages of a scrapbook, packed in a box, stuffed in various closets for 15 years, the once pink and pretty thing takes me back.
Richland High School alumn Gary Morris was the surprise guest banquet speaker. At the time, he was Country Music’s Artist of the Year, was set to star in the Broadway version of Les Miserables and had scores of my teenage classmates drooling at his feet that were decked with the gawdiest high top sneakers. Not that I was a trendy fashionista. Oh no. No, no, no.
So, to cap the evening off right, the announcer informed us that Gary was to select a *lucky* girl to dance with him to the sounds of his current #1 hit to which everyone present in that Texas banquet hall knew the lyrics except me. While all the older, beautiful, rich cheerleaders held their breath in anticipation of being picked, I was praying, “Please, please, please, not me, not me, not me.”By now, you know who Gary picked. Ah, yes, he chose me. Headbanging, big haired, Ozzy loving me. And I have never two-stepped since.
(Note the orange streaks in my hair that were painted on with a color stick and Gary’s high tops. Very avant garde. Very chic. Oh, and, umm…yeah that’s my mother’s dress. Lord knows I couldn’t have gotten a new one for my first real high school dance. There’s those wacky mutton sleeves making their zillionth comeback. P.S. This is a photo circa 1987 which is not to be used for press as noted in my August 18th entry. Thank you.)